An annoying patient... how should I respond?

I received an email from a patient over labor day weekend. It read, “It is totally my fault for not scheduling sooner, but my son needs a sports physical so he can participate in workouts this week. I don't want to take him out of class, so I would like an appointment after 3:15.”

My initial response was. “Seriously?”

The schedule was already packed. I only had 3 afternoon appointments left for the short week, which would certainly quickly fill with patients who had unexpected needs such as illness or injury.

I issued a prompt denial via email saying I did not have any openings, defending my stance by reasoning, “It's her fault, she failed to plan!”

That, to me, was the issue. She made the mistake, and now she was asking my office staff and I to bail her out. I was miffed, and I replied to her message saying we did not have any afternoon appointments available. I marinated in my miffed-ness for a few hours, and then realized that my schedule really was a mess. I looked again at the schedule for the week and saw that I needed to add appointments. I did not have enough openings to meet the normal demands of a short post-holiday week. I told the staff I would give up my Wednesday morning off. Since I then had 10 extra slots for the week I had my receptionist call her and offer one of the openings Wednesday morning, or an afternoon opening the following week. It wasn't what she wanted, but it was really the best I could do.

What I didn't do that I would have done 5 years ago is give her a lecture on how unreasonable she was! (not that the thought didn't cross my mind!).

While my initial thoughts were more annoyed than gracious, I hope my ultimate response was appropriate and reflective of how I would want to be treated in a similar circumstance. Isn't this what the Golden Rule is about? Treating others as we would want to be treated? Grace is difficult, and does not come easily to me even in small matters, but I am learning!

I dare you to disagree with this political post!

I am a political junkie. My morning routine includes reading a number of political blogs and I have rather strong feelings about the path our nation should take. I have also learned the hard way on Facebook that my political opinions are not universally shared, so I avoid making political comments on social media and on this blog. I am about to break this rule, for there is one truth about politics that needs to be addressed- It is not that they are all selfish egotistical liars (which may also be true!) it is that all believers, regardless of political persuasion, should be united in one response to our leaders in government- we are all supposed to pray for them.

The apostle Paul gives specific advice on how and why to pray for those who lead us in 1 Timothy 2- “ I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone- for kings and all those in authority, that we may lead peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. This is good and pleases God our Savior, who wants all men to be saved and come to a knowledge of the truth.” (niv)

Paul uses four different words to describe the prayers we are to make and thereby makes it clear that we are to completely pray for our leaders. We are to make all sorts of requests on their behalf- we are to pray for them personally, pray for them physically, and to give thanks for God's sovereign influence in their lives.  Paul goes on to declare the goal of our prayers- the salvation of our leaders, for he writes that God desires that all men be saved and come to a knowledge of the truth.

Paul also gives a personal reason we are to pray- that we may lead peaceful and quiet lives. The two Greek words translated “peaceful” and “quiet” refer to two types of tranquility, the peace that comes from outside of us and the peace that comes from the inside. When applied to the church as a whole, this has profound meaning. The goal of our prayers is to minimize conflict with those outside of the church and to minimize conflict between those within the church! What a concept!

Think about it- If through prayer we focused more on the eternal than on the temporal, how different would our lives be? What if we cared more about the President's soul than his politics? Or if we were concerned more about the distribution of the gospel than the distribution of material wealth? Imagine the change in our conversations if, the next time someone in our family of faith complained about a political leader, our reply was, “Let's pray for him, right now!”

If we cared as much about our nation's and our leader's spiritual futures as we do their political futures, our discourse would change dramatically, and the peace we experience from inside and outside would increase.

How to be thankful- Lessons from a Pilgrim

392 years ago, 53 settlers gathered together to celebrate the blessings of the harvest, and the greater blessing of life itself. When they left home many months earlier they had numbered 102; a difficult voyage, a brutal winter and widespread disease had reduced their number nearly by half.

The events at Plymouth in 1621 have great personal significance for me, for the spiritual leader of the 53 was Elder William Brewster, a devout man and my eleventh great-grandfather. The three day feast he and his flock celebrated that fall is considered to be the first Thanksgiving. There is little original documentation of the feast, as only two primary sources remain. One of the records is that of Edward Winslow, a Pilgrim who wrote of the events to those in his homeland. He closed his account with these words- "And although it be not always so plentiful, as it was at this time with us, yet by the goodness of God, we are so far from want, that we often wish you partakers of our plenty."

In his words are truths that are worth remembering when we gather with our loved ones this holiday.

1- It is not always plentiful. When we gather to feast, our gratitude increases when we consider that not everyone is as blessed, and that we may not always have been or may not always be as blessed ourselves.

2-"We are so far from want." We have been granted riches and plenty that are beyond the imagination of many alive today, blessings so great that it is difficult for us to even comprehend the poverty faced by others.

3- We have these blessings for one reason- The goodness of our God. Our blessings are not earned, are not the result of our effort or accomplishments. They are entirely the result of God's goodness. We are blessed not because of who we are, but because of who He is.

4- We should pray that others may also partake in the blessings we have received. Let us all take time to think of those less fortunate, pray God's blessings on them, and consider how we may share.

Live and be loved like a child

I like babies. Babies are the highlight of my work day. I love newborns, 8 pounds of miracle. It is impossible to hold a newborn in your hands and not see the hand of God. I love 4 month-olds, with their natural double chins, and the way their whole bodies squirm when they get excited. I love the way their faces erupt into a smile when I engage them in “conversation”.

I love older kids too. I love their stories, how they will interrupt my interview with mom to tell about a new toy, the way a sticker of a Princess or a truck or a cartoon character is a really big deal.

I love how they all remind me of the beauty of life, of just living. Children live in the moment better than grown ups, fully experiencing all joy available right now. Without thinking, they embody Jesus' exhortation to “Take no thought for tomorrow,for tomorrow will take care of it self”. They can do this because they have parents who are looking out for their tomorrow for them. If only we had a Father who cared for us this way... Oh Yeah! We do!

As the holiday season begins, let's purpose to enjoy it as a child, savoring each moment of each day, resting in the knowledge that we are loved by a Heavenly Father who delights in His us. 

5 principles for parenting a teenager

I see a lot of teenagers for sports physicals. When I do, the actual physical exam only takes about 5 minutes. Most of the visit is conversation about the things that are most likely to threaten the health of an adolescent- sex, drugs, alcohol, smoking and depression.

At a recent appointment, I asked a young girl whether she had become sexually active. When she said, “no,” I asked a follow up question.

“What are you beliefs about sex? Is it something that should wait until marriage or until you have been in a relationship a while?'

I could tell she had not intentionally thought about it before. She replied she wasn't sure, but she knew she wanted to wait a while. I shared my common counsel- if you don't want to have sex, don't be in a place where sex can happen! If you are alone in the living room with a boy and no one is at home, sex can happen. If you parents are there in the living room watching TV, not so much!

We then talked about alcohol and drugs. She did not drink or use, but some of her friends did. She seemed surprised when I suggested she consider finding new friends. I explained that while she may think that she would never do those things, if she had a really bad day someday where she failed a test, broke up with a boyfriend and her dog died, that she might not be as strong in her convictions when a “friend” said, “Try this, it will make you feel better!” I shared with a smile that if she didn't have friends who used, this couldn't happen. Her response told me my words stimulated some new thoughts about how to arrange her life.

Reflecting on conversations such as this one reminded me of the principles my wife and I used as our kids were growing up, rules that worked well as we tried to raise children with values and who loved God.

1- Teach values before rules

In our home we spent a lot of time talking about what we believed and who we wanted to be. We first talked about where we wanted to go in life, then we talked about how to get there. Instead of simply telling kids not to have sex before marriage, we taught our children that being moral was a core value. If children want to be moral, rules become tools and guides helping them be who they want to be instead of arbitrary limits on their behavior.

2- Spent a lot of time with your kids talking about life

When my daughter was 8 we started going out to breakfast together every Saturday morning. She loved the cinnamon roll french toast, I loved the conversation. We talked about her week, her friends, her favorite TV shows, whatever she wanted to talk about. As we did, opportunities arose for me to apply biblical truth to her life and encourage her and praise her. These times laid a foundation for future conversations.

3- Have a plan

When our kids were going to birthday parties and sleepovers, we had discussions about what to do if things went south. We had a plan of how to respond if there was alcohol, or if the parents left. These plans became the standard.

4- Set the example.

This truth seems obvious, but many parents fail to embrace it. As much as possible, we follow the standards that we set for our children. We check the content of movies before we see them. If there is nudity, we don't go. We turn the channel when a TV show gets inappropriate. We talk about making a stand in our workplace and in our personal relationships, and share stories about it when we do. Our children have seen us live out what we believe and have seen it work in our lives. It adds immeasurable credibility to our words.

5- Start young!

It is really hard to start parenting when your child is 16. Begin instilling values at a young age. When our daughter was 11 she became best friends with a girl in the neighborhood whose family did not share our values. We talked often about how, when they reached high school those differences could impact their friendship, preparing her to make a stand for what she believed in. Sadly, this did occur, but our discussions had prepared her, and difficult as it was she was able to stand firm in her convictions.