Why You Shouldn't Hate Your Job

Millions of Americans have become spectators in life, sitting on the sidelines and simply watching as others participate in one of life’s greatest endeavors. 1 in 5 American families misses out on the character-building, relationship-training activity that was ordained by God from the beginning of time. In 20 percent of homes, nobody works at all. Everyone in our society suffers as a result.

My first job was as a janitor. Monday through Friday for an hour and a half I went into a small office building and cleaned toilets, emptied trash cans. dumped ash trays and swept floors. I hated it. With no one else around it was lonely, quiet and even a little spooky at times. It wasn’t fun but it wasn’t supposed to be. It was a job. I learned responsibility, commitment and that being a janitor was hard.

As with many teenagers in the 1970’s and 80’s I had several other jobs during high school and college and each taught me important lessons. I scooped ice cream at Baskin Robbins, where I learned inventory management, customer service and how to negotiate a raise. I sold shoes at Thom McAn, where I learned sales techniques, how to close a deal, how to read a customer and that working retail means working evenings, weekends and holidays. I worked on a loading dock for Montgomery Ward, where I learned how to balance a refrigerator on a dolly and unload a truck. I worked for Vons grocery stores, learning more customer service, how to pick quality produce and the benefits and disadvantages of union membership.

In each job I learned what it meant to work, to set aside pleasure and leisure to do what needed to be done. I learned what it meant to be a part of a team and how to work with people who were different from me. I had good bosses and bad bosses, both of which helped me become a better manager and employer. I learned the value of a dollar and how long I had to work to earn something I wanted. I gained self-respect and learned what it meant to do my best even when no one else was watching, or worse, to work hard even when the people who watched did not appreciate my efforts. Every job, every task and every shift was a growth experience.

Today in America, in 1 out of every 5 families, there is no one who is benefiting from the blessings of work. The innumerable lessons are unlearned and are not passed on. There is no one modeling the self-discipline of getting up on time in the morning and making oneself look presentable for the day. No one learning to submit to and interact with a superior, no one learning to negotiate a better deal. No one pays income tax and contributes to society economically, no one participates in making something or providing a service to a customer. 1 in 5 families receives all of its financial support from society, is totally dependent on others for survival..

It is impossible to overstate the long-term negative impact on our society of such dependence. Beyond the obvious fact that no economy can thrive in the long term when 20% of its families do not participate in the production of goods and services is the reality that no culture can thrive if large segments of the population do not receive the education and personal growth that only work can bring. 

Something needs to change. We need to quit referring to work as a curse and a chore to be avoided  and view it for what it truly is, a blessing and an opportunity to be embraced, whatever or wherever the job may be.

-          Bart

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Where have all the true Friends Gone?

I speak without fully listening. I interrupt frequently. I dominate conversations. People are intimidated by me. I am hypercritical. How do I know these things? My friends and family told me.

While none of the above messages was pleasant to hear, they have all been essential to my personal growth. They helped me identify my faults, understand the responses of others and grow as a person. If my friends had not cared enough to speak up, if they had simply “loved me for who I was” I would not be the person I am today.

It seems to me that although friends such as these are invaluable they are a vanishing breed. Most people seek out friends who validate and affirm, not friends who challenge and exhort, and our society is suffering as a result.

Not every feeling we have is healthy and not every desire should be fulfilled. It is our friends and family who can lovingly correct is when we wander, who can remind us that “being true to ourselves” is nowhere near as important as being true to our God.

Part of the reason such exhortations are increasingly rare is due to an incorrect understanding of judgment. If there is one scripture even atheists can quote it is “Judge not, lest you also be judged.” Jesus’ was teaching that we should not condemn others and reminding us that we would all be judged one day. What is overlooked in applying His words is that he also taught his followers to follow God’s law and that sin should be addressed. Avoiding condemnation is good, ignoring and accepting sin is not.

Distaste for judgment has become dominant and moral relativism has become the norm. As a result increasingly strange behaviors are becoming common place. Infidelity and sexual deviancy are so common as to be expected and embraced. No one speaks out anymore, no one stands for goodness. If anyone dares make a stand they are labeled as a hateful bigot.

The truth is that all human beings are broken and dysfunctional in one way or another and all of us have feelings and desires that are selfish and harmful. If we do not have people in our lives who love us enough to point out where we need to change and grow, we will do neither.

Let us pray that God will bless us with friends who care enough to correct us and that we will be true friends to those we love.

Bart

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Bill Cosby, Ben Affleck and Others Who Were Not What They Seemed to Be

People we considered our heroes are turning out to be anything but. How could we be fooled so badly?

Bill Cosby was America’s Dad. Not only did he play a loving, intelligent and supportive father on his television sitcom, he was a tireless advocate for education and personal responsibility. I was one of the millions who looked up to him and considered him a role model. Little did I know that he was a sexual deviant who preyed on women. Any claim he may have had to innocence evaporated these last few weeks when the transcript of a 2005 deposition was released in which he admitted under oath giving a woman a powerful sleeping pill in order to have sex with her. America’s Dad was in reality America’s Pervert.

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner were America’s Couple. Talented, beautiful and seemingly in love, they built a family together in the public eye. In the midst of the dysfunction of Hollywood they put on a façade of normalcy. There recent divorce announcement revealed the truth about their marriage. It was in reality dysfunctional and unhealthy. Careers came before kids, and the extended absences common with the acting profession contributed to the end of their marriage.

Leland Yee was an American success story. Born in China, he came to America at the age of 3. He graduated from UC Berkeley, one of the top schools in the nation, then went on to obtain a doctorate in Child Psychology. He worked as a child therapist for years before entering politics in 1988. He was a member of the school board in San Francisco, a county supervisor, and a member of the State Assembly in California before winning a seat in the California State Senate in 2006. He gained a reputation as a staunch advocate for gun safety and sponsored numerous bills restricting access to guns in California. In 2012 he announced his candidacy for the office of California Secretary of State. Mr. Lee was respected member of the Asian community and honored by gun control groups. He was also a crook and a gun runner. He pleaded guilty to federal racketeering charges July 1, 2015.

The list of similarly admired people who are not at all admirable is seemingly endless. Sports heroes, celebrities and even pastors are placed on pedestals for public adoration only to later be found completely unworthy of respect. I am left wondering how it is that we idolize losers with such regularity.

I have come to the conclusion that it is human nature to want heroes. We want to have someone to look up to, someone who can help us believe that amazing things are possible. What we do not want to recognize is the truth that all people are all messed up, that no person is perfect, near perfect or even good at heart.

We choose distant people as heroes, people we do not know well, because we can overlook or deny their imperfections. When we know someone well we tend to know their faults and failures and all of the ways in which they are not heroic at all. We tend to focus on their imperfections and cast them aside as potential role models.

In my life I am learning to look up to a different kind of person. I am learning to admire those who work hard at being the best they can be outside of the public eye, people who are far from perfect, who know their flaws and do not hide them but instead work to overcome them every day. I believe it is these people, who labor in the shadows and whose accomplishments are overlooked by others, who are the greatest role models in our world.

When the day comes that we all stand before God and give account for our actions it will not be the Afflecks, Garners, Cosby’s and Lee’s who are recognized. The greatest honor will not be reserved for the Obamas, Bushes, Clintons or Romneys of the world, the movers and shakers and the most powerful. It will be for those individuals who honored God in their daily lives, who faithfully loved and served God outside of the eyes of the world.

May we all seek to be and to honor these kind of heroes.

Bart

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A Selfish Leader Divides a Nation

A man in his 40’s with little leadership experience assumes the highest position in the land. The man who came before him had made a number of bad decisions that had damaged the nation. Once unified and strong as a people, feared and respected by other countries, the people were now disheartened and on the verge of becoming divided. The young leader faced immense challenges. How would he respond?

Immediately after being announced as the next leader he was faced with a challenge from the people. Would he continue the policies of his predecessor or would he take a softer approach? The fate of the nation depended on his response. He turned first for an answer to wise and experienced men, men who understood the workings of the system and had political experience. When they did not give him the counsel he wanted, he instead turned to his long term advisers, men about his age who had climbed the ladder with him and who understood his desires and goals. It was the advice of the young counselors he decided to follow.

And the nation split.

The man was Rehoboam, the son of Solomon, the grandson of David, King of Israel. The story is over 3000 years old but it has not lost any of its relevance. When new leaders come into power their initial actions and responses can dramatically impact the future of the people they desire to lead. One mistake can lead to disaster.

In the case of Rehoboam, his father had been harsh and domineering. The people felt abused and uncared for. On the day he was to be made king they asked him a simple question and made a straight-forward promise. “Will you lessen the burden of your father? If you do, we will serve you.”

The counsel of the experienced men was that Rehoboam listen to the people and respond in kindness. These elders told the young king-to-be that if he handled the situation with grace and gentleness, if he assumed the role of a servant king, the people would serve him forever. Sadly, gentleness and grace did not align with Rehoboam’s ideas of kingship. He wanted power and authority.

Looking for validation of his ideas, he went to the friends he had grown up with. These young men, who had no concept of the responsibilities of leadership, shared Rehoboam’s desire for power and the belief that power and strength were the foundation of authority. Their counsel was that Rehoboam declare that he was going to be bigger, stronger and harsher than his father had been. Rehoboam listened to his friends.

When the people heard Rehoboam’s harsh response they rebelled. The kingdom was split and the nation was divided, beginning a downward spiral that ended with the divided nation being conquered and its people living in exile.

In this story are valuable lessons for leaders of today. Lessons that cannot be ignored by those who wish to succeed in leadership. If one is to lead, these principles are essential-

-          Good leaders listen to the people they lead. Predetermined plans carried out by edict will lead to division.

-          Good leaders seek and follow wise counsel. Yes-men are dangerous. Successful leaders look to experienced people who will speak truth, even when it is difficult.

-          Good leaders serve. Leaders are responsible to, and for, the people under their care. Self-serving leaders will inevitably fail.

-          Selfish leaders divide their people. A house divided against itself cannot stand, and divisiveness destroys a church or organization. Unity will require sacrifice.

If you are in a position of leadership and people are not following you as you wish they would, take the time to review the lessons of Rehoboam. The future of your people, your church or your business may depend on it.

-          bart

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A Terrible Lie, A Broken Heart.

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Tears streamed down her face and her body shook as she sobbed, “I don’t know why I am still here!” I have heard these words come from the mouths of old patients who had become too frail to live independently and who felt that they were no longer had anything of value to offer their families and loved ones. I was surprised to hear them come from a mother who was barely 30. She had so many years ahead of her, so much love to give and so many people to give it to. I wondered what could have led to such despair.

It was remarkable that she was in my office at all. Less than two years earlier she had been diagnosed with ovarian cancer, a diagnosis that typically comes with a grave prognosis. The fact that she was still alive and better yet, free from any signs of disease should have been cause for celebration. For her it was a source of guilt. She felt she had been given a wonderful gift and had done little to earn, deserve or honor the gift she had received. As a result she was overcome with guilt and shame and was battling a severe depression.

“I keep thinking there must be something important that God wants me to do, some reason that He allowed me to live, but I just can’t figure out what it is,” she said. More tears flowed. I rose from my chair and gave her a hug. She was in so much pain. What could I say?

As I sat and pondered her circumstances I realized that she had fallen prey to a terrible lie that has invaded our culture, a lie that is particularly common in people of faith. She had been deceived into a false definition of significance, a definition that had blinded her to her value and to the purposes of God. She believed that lives of significance are measured by remarkable accomplishments and world-changing deeds that are easily visible and readily recognized by others. God had given her the gift of life and she was wasting it. I took a breath and addressed the lie.

I told her that God’s greatest works are not done through big events and huge miraculous achievements. The greatest works of God are the result of small acts of faithfulness repeated over and over again in ordinary life. I reminded her that every time she loved her child, prayed for her child and encouraged her child was a time that she was accomplishing something wonderful in the eyes of God. I told her that if she raised her son to be a good man who loved others that she would be doing something unique and amazing, and that in looking for something dramatic and profound she was most likely overlooking the great things that God was already doing in her life.

I wish that her story was rare but it isn’t. We live in a culture where everyone wants to be the next American Idol, Master Chef or Republican presidential nominee. We forget that it is not possible for everyone to be the best, for everyone to be rich, successful or famous. We forget that God is not impressed with earthly accolades or recognition. What matters to God are the things that cannot be seen. God sees our hearts and measures us according to their content. Faithfulness is more important than success.

Michael Horton, in his book Ordinary, addresses this aspect of our culture, describing the current generation he writes,

They say, “I want to make something of myself, to leave my mark”- or more altruistically, “to make a difference” in the world. But when we make these desires the object of our life-quest they become idols. Like all idols, they overpromise and underdeliver… We do not find success by trying to be successful or happiness by trying to be happy. Rather, we find these things by attending to the skills, habits and - to be honest – the often dull routines that make us even modestly successful at anything. If you are always looking for an impact, a legacy and success, you will not take the time to care for the things that matter.

My prayer for my patient, and for myself, is that we will live in the awareness of the truth that the most important things we do usually go unnoticed by the world. This does not mean that God is not working. The world may not pay attention when a mother hugs her child or wipes away a tear, or stand and applaud when a father kneels and prays for his family or turns down a promotion so he can spend more time at home, but the God who sees everything does.

God Himself said it best in His admonition to the prophet Samuel, “The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

-          Bart

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