A Surefire Way to Stay out of Trouble

To everyone else may problem was obvious, yet I could not see it. I was completely clueless.

My residency in Family Medicine began with a week-long orientation. We toured the hospital and clinic, were assigned our desks, given our pagers and completed a two day course in "advanced cardiac life support." All of the interns were nervous as we were for the first time in our lives actually going to be primarily responsible for the medical care of real patients.

Every person as their own unique way of dealing with nerves, my way is to crack jokes. My way was not too well received, as on the third day of orientation I was summoned to the office of the program director. He was afraid that I was going to embarrass him and the program with my irreverent attitude!

While I was actually very serious about my training (and would go on to be recognized as the Outstanding Resident on graduation), my loquaciousness made others uncomfortable. Had I been wiser I would have worked harder at controlling my tongue.

Looking back on my life I can see that my lack of tongue control has been at the root of the vast majority of my problems in life. I also see that this shouldn't have been difficult to figure out, for the writer of Proverbs made it pretty clear-

"Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut." Proverbs 10:19

Advice we need to take to heart!

-Bart

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How I Learned not to be such a Jerk as a Doctor

One of the first lessons learned in private practice was that a good number of patients thought I was a jerk. My partner actually sat me down and told me that he had received feedback from a number of patients who said they felt that I was uncaring and did not listen to them very well. At the end of that year I received the results of a random survey of my patients that confirmed the fact that I was failing to communicate and connect much of the time. I was devastated. Having always prided myself on my communication skills it was more than humbling to discover that this was perceived to be the area where I most needed to improve.

I wish I could say I turned it around right then and that my next survey results were glowing. I can’t and they weren’t. I tried, tried really hard, but improvement was elusive. It took almost 10 years to truly turn the corner. Looking back now I can see what made the difference and see how simple it could have been. Here are a few of the realizations that led to lasting change.

-          I learned that I was more concerned with medicine than I was with caring about the patient. In my mind I felt that if I was medically correct (prescribed the right drug, made the correct diagnosis or referred to the right specialist) that I had done my job well. When I made the patient’s feelings and understanding them the top priority, I was able to connect.

-          I learned there was more to life than being right. I used to get particularly grumpy when a patient would ask for an unnecessary procedure or test. I think of one patient who wanted an MRI 2 days after a minor knee injury. I told him it was unnecessary and he was angry. My answer was technically correct, but it lacked understanding. If I had taken the time to set aside my offendedness and learn why he was so worried about his knee I might have salvaged the relationship.

-          I realized I expected too much from people. All people are imperfect, each in their own unique way. Some have difficulty getting to appointments on time, some have a hard time following instructions, some are afraid of change. When I focused less on what they should do and more on what they could do, I was able to be more gracious and forgiving, and people responded.

-          I learned to focus on the unique privilege it is to serve patients. Patients are not an interruption or an intrusion, they are people with needs and fears, people who need my help. For some reason God in His grace has allowed me to be in a position to actually help people every day. When I began to view each visit as an opportunity to be the “hands of God”, to touch others on His behalf, my attitude became much more patient focused.

These are not the only changes, but they are among the most significant. As God changed my heart and my attitude toward my patients, their hearts and attitudes toward me changed as well. For over 5 years now I have consistently received some of the highest patient satisfaction scores in my medical group. Last year I was even asked to lead a discussion with other struggling physicians in the hope that I might help them do better in their practices. What a turnaround!

Just a reminder to those who are jerks and to those who are dealing with jerks. There is hope!

-          Bart

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Best.Thank You. Ever.

Every once in a while I receive a “Thank You” card from a patient. On rare occasions they come with a gift. As I was going through my inbox today I came across one of the most meaningful thank you gifts I have ever received. In the “Thank You” card was a coin exactly like the one in the image for this post. The note read-

Dr. Barrett,

On September 1st I took my 3 year chip, which is an absolute miracle! And when I was standing up telling my story, I had to mention you and explain what you did for me. I am more grateful to you every day. You played a key role in saving my life, literally saving my life. I have never been more broken down that I was three long years ago.

Yes, you did your job as a doctor but you also went above and beyond for me. I can’t remember exactly what you said but I do remember trusting you and your opinion and I knew I had to follow your direction.

Although the years have been tough, my blessings far outweigh the hard times, so I thank you from the bottom of my heart, and I hope that you will accept this small but very meaningful token of your appreciation. When you look at it, please know that you saved my life.

Much love-

J

I have her three year sobriety chip in front of me as I write this. It will serve as a reminder to me as to why I do what I do, because I have a chance, every day, to impact someone's life.  I do not recall the specific words I spoke to her that day, but I know that I was firm in my insistence that she get immediate help. She was depressed and suicidal. I pleaded with her to go to a local chemical dependency unit . I am so thankful she did.

-          Bart

Why Young People Don't Go to Church and What to Do About It

Many young people don’t go to church. About this there is no disagreement. People also agree that getting young people to come to church would be a good thing. Opinions vary and approaches diverge when church leaders discuss what to do about the problem. As with many things in life a few simple questions can bring great clarity. Here are a two such questions and some answers.

Question 1- Why don’t young people go to church?

The answer is pretty straightforward- They don’t want to. They don’t want to attend church in the same way they don’t want to remain celibate, don’t want to limit their alcohol intake and don’t want to work hard to get ahead in a career. The current young generation was raised in a child-centric culture that has been obsessed with their bliss since the day they were born. They have been praised for ordinary achievements, taught that their opinions mattered just as much as the opinions of those older and more experienced, and told that anything difficult or unpleasant was to be avoided.

To a young person with this worldview the gospel is extremely unattractive. The message that we are all wretched sinners who need to repent makes no sense to someone who has been taught from infancy that they were valuable and wonderful “just as they are” and  that there is no greater virtue than being “true to yourself.” The self-centered youth of our day will turn away from anything that does not make them feel good about themselves.

Jesus addressed this in his discussion with Nicodemus in John 3.

“This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed.” John 3:19-21 NIV

Any church that fails to recognize this truth about young people will be tempted to pursue a dangerous and unbiblical path in order to attract millennials. I have seen many churches look at the multitudes of young people outside of the church and think that they need to “do something” to draw young people in. “Do something” usually means make the music more contemporary, dress more casually, use more “hip” speech, and to talk less about sin and more about love and peace.

This leads us to the second question.

Question 2- How do we get young unbelievers to come to church?

The answer is a simple as well- “We” don’t! It is not our job now, nor has it ever been in the history of the church, for Christians to get people to come to Christ. It is the job of the Holy Spirit, and He is quite capable! Once they know Christ, He will lead them to church. The Apostle Paul made this clear in his letter to the church at Corinth-

“Jews demand miraculous signs and Greeks look for wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God.” 1 Cor 1:22-24 NIV

According to Paul the culture in which we live will demand certain things from us. What they want doesn't matter. Our response is not to modify the message to meet their demands, it is to more clearly proclaim the gospel message. We do this because we understand that it is not by our efforts that people respond! 

In case the people at Corinth were unclear on this, Paul went on to clarify-

“When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God.  For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power.” 1 Cor 2:1-5 NIV

When we say that “we” need to attract young people we are also saying that the Holy Spirit needs our help, that He cannot draw people without us. I addressed this years ago when I was being interviewed by a church for a pastoral position. When asked what we could do to attract people my response was, “Preach the gospel. My God is big enough to draw people to himself even if the music stinks!”

This is not to say that we should make the church environment unnecessarily hostile to those on the outside. We do not want to, nor should we ever, create an atmosphere that reeks of exclusivity or is unwelcome to any class of people. The good news is that the Good News is neither exclusive nor unwelcoming!

Finally, a brief note on what the church should absolutely be doing for the younger among us. Young people need to see more mature Christians living their lives, all of their lives, for Christ in a manner consistent with His word. The best way to get young people in church is for parents to raise their children in the Lord. Moses addressed this in Deuteronomy 6-

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” Deut 6:5-7 NIV

For the young who have not been raised in the faith the response is similar. We need to provide spiritual "parents" who will invest their lives and their time in young people doing the hard work of discipleship. Young believers need "parents" in the faith who will focus not on making them happy, but on making them godly.

Here is praying for Christ-centered, Gospel-proclaiming churches that remember that as we exalt Christ, He will do what He promised to do-

“But I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all men to myself.” John 12:32 NIV

-          Bart

Sharing a Patient's Pain

At first glance there seemed to be nothing wrong with her. She appeared young, fit and attractive. The first glance was wrong. She was young and fit, but she was also in significant pain and quite afraid.

A few years ago she had meningitis. Her life was never in danger but she was incapacitated due to pain and needed to be hospitalized for several days. Her struggles didn’t end with her hospitalization as she battled severe headaches on a continuous basis for the following year. Her headaches sapped her energy and made it nearly impossible to work. After 12 long months the headaches finally remitted and she went on with her life, free from such pain. Until ten days ago. The headaches had comeback.  She was desperate when she arrived in my office.

We talked about the nature of headaches and how they could be difficult to treat, none of which was news to her. It was part of why she was afraid. She knew that treatments did not always work, she was just hoping that I could do something.

Without making any promises of cure I told I would do all her can. Then, almost in passing, I said something that I think helped a little. I said, “Your pain matters to me.” I shared my experience with severe pain years ago and the fear that came with, fear that I would not be able to live my life if it did not go away. I then told her again, “I will do everything and anything I can to help you. I will not just throw a pill at you and say, “Come back in a month.” I will work to help you through this. I gave her a few prescriptions to try and had her come back in three days.

She was back three days later with only minimal change so I adjusted the medication again. We agreed to touch base again within 4-5 days. While I was not able to give her a lot of hope, I think that knowing she had a doctor who cared meant that she was not totally hopeless.

Here is praying I stumble on a solution in the coming weeks. Her pain matters to me, and shouldn’t it? 

Her story reminds me that we all encounter hurting people and how much better it would be if other people's pain actually mattered.

- Bart

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