The Day My Life Got Better. Forever.

On this date 34 years ago my life changed.

The college group at church was having a special meeting on a Friday night. A new pastor had been hired and he was being introduced that evening. I wanted to go but didn’t have anyone to go with. I was new to the group and only knew a handful of people and could not truly call any of them friends so I called a friend who went to another church and asked him to go with me. He agreed and we walked into the meeting together a few hours later.

I do not remember anything the new pastor said that evening. It was not his words that changed my life. It was something that happened later, during the reception, that altered the course of my life.

I scanned the room looking for faces I recognized. Off to the right of the room I saw two guys who I had met a few weeks earlier at weekend retreat. We met that weekend in the mountains and when it concluded we drove back down together. I had only met them once but I knew them better than anyone else in the room so I migrated in their direction.

Standing with them was a petite and pretty girl with light brown hair. We were introduced. Her name was Lisa and she had a wonderful smile. I do not remember much of the conversation, other than me joking that I drank so much Coke that my blood was carbonated.  I talk a lot when I am nervous. I also tend to crack a lot of jokes and tell stories. Miraculously, Lisa laughed at my jokes.

We saw each other again two days later at church. (She saw me approaching and placed herself strategically near the door. She was impossible to miss.) We talked, and I ended up walking her to her car. As we walked across the parking lot I found the courage to ask her out. She said yes. (Another miracle!)

Our first date was a church square dance. We talked more than we danced. Talking to Lisa was easy. The next day I called my best friend and told him that I had met a girl I could totally fall for. “How could you know that after only one date?” was his incredulous reply.

Three weeks later I asked Lisa to marry me. She said yes and less than 5 months later she were married in the room in which we met. My life was transformed. Before Lisa I was self-doubting and alone. She gave me her heart and that gave me courage.

34 years have passed. I still melt at her smile. I thank God every day for miracle of her love.

-Bart

Jealousy- The Highest American Value

There was once a time when people rejoiced in the success and good fortune of others. Those days have disappeared. Admiration and respect have given way to jealousy and spite.

Success through effort has been an American value since the founding of our nation. Hard work, perseverance and sacrifice were the ingredients in the recipe for success. While other countries may have class based societies designed to keep the lower classes down and the upper classes in power, the United States has been a place where there is no limit to what a poor person can achieve, regardless of their background.

Success stories like that of T.S. are the embodiment of the old American dream. He spoke almost no English when he arrived in New York City at the age of 7. His mother did not speak English at all. He lived in a crowded apartment with his parents, grandparents and a cousin. His was not a privileged childhood, he did not see his parents as much as better off children saw theirs. His parents both worked 12 hour days in a laundromat to make ends meet.

Although neither of T’s parents had attended college they understood the value of an education. They were aware that in New York City excellent students, regardless of income or social background, could all apply for admission to one of the city’s elite high schools. Academic standards were stringent and the admission test was incredibly difficult but students who attended one of the eight elite schools were often able to gain admittance to one of the nation’s top universities. The prestigious city high schools are so elite that their alumni include more Nobel laureates than many foreign nations do.

With the support of his parents T began preparing for the elite high school entrance exam when he entered the 6th grade. The test is administered to students entering 8th grade so T spent two years attending tutoring sessions and working through study guides, all in addition to his normal school work. It paid off. T earned admission to the top high school in New York. He has since graduated and is a student at NYU.

There was a time when stories such as T’s would be celebrated, but those days seem to have passed in New York. It is not celebrated because T has the wrong name and his skin is the wrong color. T.S. are the initials of Ting Shi, an immigrant from China. Because he is Asian and because students of Asian descent make up over 60% of enrollment at New York’s elite high schools, he represents a problem to be solved instead of an example to be followed. There are too many students like Ting. There is a movement in New York to change the school admission standards to make it more difficult for Asian students to gain entrance, all in the name of diversity.

Instead of being treated as just another Asian academic success tale Ting’s story should motivate other poor families in New York. His success should encourage other families to sacrifice for their children in the way his parents did for him. Ting demonstrated that hard work, perseverance and sacrifice do lead to success, even for those who are less fortunate or financially disadvantaged. Unfortunately for the families of New York hard work , perseverance and sacrifice do not appear to be values shared any longer by the society into which his parents immigrated 12 years ago. Elected officials in New York are trying to find a way to allow students to gain admission without similar effort. This is apparently the new definition of fairness.

It sounds more like racism and jealousy to me.

-          Bart

Ting’s story was brought to light by Dennis Saffran in his article, “The Plot Against Merit”. I encourage you to read it all.

Parenting by iPad

I see it more and more in the office. Little children with an iPad or an iPhone in their hands. Some are too young to speak in full sentences yet they can clearly communicate their desire to watch a movie or play a game. Mom and dad rapidly comply with their wishes as it accomplishes their primary objective, a quiet child. While I can understand the desire to be able to interact with another adult without being continually distracted by your child I fear that there are unintended consequences ahead for these parents and children.

My concerns are increased by how often I see  this parenting behavior outside my office. It can be seen almost anywhere we see parents and their children. Children riding in the child seats in shopping carts, at tables in restaurants, in church pews and even at family gatherings can be seen sitting alone staring at a miniature video screen. The children appear to be happy, content and quiet, yet I wonder. When did quiet children become the ultimate parenting goal?

While the unending questions of a toddler can be wearisome, they are an essential part of intellectual and social development. Through them the child learns not only how to speak and communicate but also how the world works. These repetitive conversations help forge a relationship of trust and respect with parents. Parents learn the personality and interests of their children and strengthen the bond they share. Children learn from what goes on around them. They learn appropriate social interaction from watching adults interact. They also learn patience and self control. None of this happens when the child sits in a corner with an iPad.

While a child's quietness may make a parent's life easier for the moment, this is not a healthy goal. Good parenting has never been easy. I fear that the current generation of parents has either never learned or has already forgotten that we do not have children for ourselves. Children are not toys or playmates to be called upon when entertainment is desired. They are a gift from God, made in His image, given to parents to be loved, trained and served. Children need parents who will sacrifice for them, who will answer the repeated questions and play the silly games, who will love them, listen to them and give them attention.

There is no app for that.

- Bart

Thanks for reading and especially for sharing posts with others. Questions and comments are welcome. I can be followed on twitter @bartbarrettmd, you can also find me on vimeo (vimeo.vom/bartbarrett) or get posts in you mailbox by subscribing to the blog

Lasting Pain, Enduring Hope

I wear a knee brace almost every day now. I hate  wearing it but I hate the pain more so every morning before work I strap it on. It makes my pants bulge and my ankle swell but it takes some of the pressure off of the arthritic medial compartment of my knee joint. Most of the protective cartilage on that side of the knee has eroded away and my treatment options are limited. The hope is that in addition to relieving the pain and allowing me to walk and exercise the brace will slow the progression of the arthritis and delay knee replacement surgery for several years.

It has been a difficult mental adjustment. It seems like only yesterday that my legs were the strongest part of my body. It would be better to say they were the only strong part of my body, for when I first joined a gym at age 19 I couldn’t bench press much more than 100 pounds but I could leg press the entire weight stack. I wasn’t strong but I was quick and light on my feet. I played in softball and basketball leagues and loved it.

I did not know it but sports playing days were numbered. The decline began when I tore an anterior cruciate ligament playing flag football in medical school. I was a slow learner, as 6 surgeries over the next 14 years did not teach me that I should avoid flag football. I tore my other cruciate ligament playing flag football with friends on New Year's Day 1999. At the age of 38 I should have known better.

When I tore that knee ligament I also tore my medial meniscus, the shock absorbing cartilage inside the joint. In 1999 the treatment was surgical removal of the damaged area. Doctors now know that removing a meniscus leads to arthritis later in life. I was smart enough to know that I could develop arthritis in the future but I never expected the future to arrive so fast. Arthritis has arrived and my life has changed dramatically. In the summer of 2014 Lisa and I would take nightly walks down to the beach, walking a 3-4 mile loop. It was the highlight of every day. This last summer I never even tried it. It was not worth the pain.

The arthritis has brought with it something else I did not expect. It has brought a sense of mortality and an awareness of age. I am almost 54 years old and have been married for 33 years. I am dealing with the reality that my life is halfway over and that another 33 years are by no means guaranteed. I have found myself wondering what I will be able to do when I get older, whether I will be physically able to do all of the things that I want to do, even most of the things I will need to do. The clock is ticking.

I see my older patients differently now. I recently met a new patient who at the age of 75 cannot walk across the room without experiencing severe pain in her arthritic knee. Her heart, lungs and mind are healthy but they are trapped in a body that cannot walk around the block. Cooped up at home, she is isolated, lonely and battling depression. After hearing her story I had my staff call an orthopedist to get her in for a visit as soon as possible. I did not want her to have even one more day of pain.

My pain has impacted my faith as well. It serves to remind me of the futility of pursuing earthly success. No amount of effort can change my ultimate physical reality. No matter how hard I try I have to accept the truth that we all get old, we all break down and eventually, we all die. My only hope for enduring health and happiness lies in the next life, not in this one. I have always known this but living with pain is an effective reminder of the truth expressed by the Apostle Paul- “that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”

Paul's words are encouraging. The sufferings of this life are real and can seem overwhelming. Paul tells us that the joy and glory that await God's children is exponentially greater than the pains we endure now. My pain causes me to consider and embrace the eternity that awaits. This pain enhanced understanding of life brings hope instead of despair, for this is what looking forward to eternal life brings. 

-          Bart

Thanks for reading, and for sharing with others. Comments are welcome.

The Foolish Immorality of Sean Penn

If you were given the opportunity to meet with a vicious criminal, a drug dealing murderer responsible for the deaths of hundreds of innocent people, a recent prison escapee who was a fugitive from justice and who had recently escaped from prison, what would you do?

If you are Sean Penn, you covertly accept the invitation and evade detection in order to meet with the man. You pose for pictures shaking his hand and write a story for a national magazine. You then give the criminal the final edit of the story so he can be sure he is portrayed in a favorable light.

And, because you are Sean Penn, you can be certain that you will face no criminal charges and will suffer no damage to your reputation or future acting opportunities as a result of your arrogance. In the western world, rules and laws are for the little people, not for celebrities.

As I read the story of Mr. Penn’s interview with the Mexican drug lord El Chapo I wondered how we arrived at such a place in our society. I am not so naïve as to expect perfection from famous people but I did expect them to possess some form of a moral compass, to care at least a little about being at least a little bit truthful or nice. I did not think that even the most low-life of celebrities would be supportive ofthe mass murdering head of adrug cartel.

I guess I was foolishly optimistic. I should have known that a man who had been fawned over for his entire adult life and whose talent gave him access to world leaders and power brokers would think he was entitled to meet with anyone he wanted for any reason at any time. Sean Penn was curious as to how a man like El Chapo came to be and his curiosity was all that mattered. Curiosity was more important than justice and fairness or right and wrong.

As I read about Penn and El Chapo the thought occurred to me that we may have cultivated a generation of Sean Penns. Many young people I meet are driven by personal desire more than they are by a moral code. There is no sense of duty to society as a whole orto anyone else individually. This is why so many in the current generation feel comfortable building up massive debt they do not plan to repay, using illegal drugs without regard for the law or future physical harm, orlying in order to get a job they want or a sexual partner they desire. Wanting something is what matters and when something is wanted there is no need to consider if it is right or wrong.

This type of thinking is the natural outcome of the post-modern thinking that dominates the modern world, a philosophy that denies the existence of absolute truth or a transcendent moral code. When we throw away external standards, when every person decides for themselves what is right and wrong, it should not surprise us if we are surrounded by fools like Sean Penn.

While there is nothing I can do to impact Mr. Penn's thinking, I am not hopeless. I have raised children who know the difference between right and wrong and I do all I can to remind others that absolute truth exists, that there is a God and that He has communicated His moral code to mankind. (I have even written a book about it!) The lie of post modernism needs to be exposed, countered and attacked. When truth is lost, only foolishness remains.

- Bart

Remember you can subscribe to the blog by clicking the subscribe button. Questions and comments are welcome, and those who share posts with others have my undying gratitude!

Photo by Seher Sikandar for rehes creative licensed through creative commons