The Girl in the Harley Store

Sometimes brief encounters have a lasting impact. We were in Pennsylvania on vacation and on our way back to our home base in Hershey after a day trip to Philadelphia. We had spent the day exploring some of the birth sites of our nation, places like Independence Hall and the site of Ben Franklin’s home and print shop. We were 30 minutes away from “home” when we decided to take a detour to visit a Harley Davidson store.

I had zero interest in owning a Harley but a great interest in buying a t-shirt. A friends of ours was a big Harley guy and collected T-shirts. We thought it would be nice to grab one from one of the many Harley stores in central Pennsylvania. We found a store and after taking a few moments to orient ourselves made our way past the bikes and upstairs to the T-shirt section.  After several minutes of browsing and debate we selected a shirt and made our way to the register. The clerk was a pleasant young woman who seemed to be in her very early twenties.

In the course of our conversation we shared that we were from California. Her eyes lit up (apparently not a lot of Californians visit Harley stores in central Pennsylvania) and she asked us where in California we lived. She did not know where Orange County was so I told her we were about 20 minutes from Disneyland, which impressed her even more. She told us that she hoped to be able to go to California some day. The way she said it led me to believe that she wasn’t sure she’d ever make it out west, that she understood such a trip would likely be forever beyond her financial reach. She mentioned that the farthest she traveled was Hershey, about 10 miles away.

I was struck by how different our lives were. We lived in a beach town in Southern California with theme parks, beaches and mountains and Hollywood within easy driving distance. She lived in a small town where the single theme park in nearby Hershey was a big deal. We had traveled more and further in a week than she had in her life time.  She could only dream of traveling. She lived in a part of the country where jobs were scarce and times were hard while we lived in an area of immense wealth.

As we drove away I thought about these differences. we lived in the same country and spoke the same language but lived completely different lives. What was normal and common for me was unfathomable to her. We consider ourselves to be normal middle class people yet to her we seemed incredibly wealthy. Our brief interaction reminded me of how easy it is to forget our blessings and privilege, how easy it is to lose sight of the opportunities afforded us simply because of where we were born and the talents God has given us. I have more to be thankful for than I often realize.

- Bart

A Facebook Debate with a Good Outcome?

Facebook has gone nuclear. It is always blowing up about something but in the last few weeks it has gone nuclear. Everyone is at someone’s throat about someone’s political post. Immigration and deportations, Travel bans and Circuit court rulings, protests and counter protests have all served as fodder for raging political fires.

Reading the posts and the comments (I know, I know, NEVER read the comments) one thing is overwhelmingly clear. No one is listening. Lot’ s of people are talking, but no one is listening. I have yet to read a single comment saying, “Why do you feel that way?” or “Tell me more, I would like to understand where you are coming from?”

I decided to counteract this trend a few weeks ago. A Facebook friend I have not seen since high school made a liberally leaning comment on another friend’s post and I decided to respond. Instead of posting a comment, I sent him a message-

You are on the left and I am on the right. We are both writers. I am wondering if you would be interested in a genuine dialogue on some of the issues. I would love to engage with someone who disagrees with me without either side attacking the other.”

Over the course of the next several days, we dialogued. We exchanged emails on taxes, health care and media bias. We found a few areas of agreement and many more where we saw the world from completely different perspectives. Neither of us changed our minds.

The most important thing we agree on is that both of us love our country and want what is best for it and that neither of us wants to destroy it. Beyond that, we are still friends.

Something to think about the next time you are tempted to type out an angry comment. If you’re not willing to dialogue in private, you probably shouldn’t say anything.

- Bart

thanks for reading and sharing. Comments and questions are welcomed, and personal messages are especially welcome!

A Different Road to Success

Everyone wants to make a lot of money. Most people think the path to success runs through college and is paved with textbooks, term papers and scantron forms. This belief has led countless young people to invest their parent's life savings, and much of their future earnings, in financing a college education. All who do this get a piece of paper with their name on it, trailed by a couple of very expensive letters (the most appropriate of which are B.S.)

Many are soon surprised to learn that those letters are not worth the paper they are printed on. Their dreamed of earnings don’t materialize. Their dream degree in their chosen field either turns out not to be the degree employers want or a degree that is wanted by only a few. In either case the opportunities available to them often provide only a living wage. They have a lifetime of debt in front of them and wasted years behind them.

I have received applications from a number of these people. When I post an ad for a position in my office I without fail receive several resumes from desperate college grads searching for a job. There is a degree of sadness when I delete their emails. They may have a college degree but they lack the skills and experience needed to work as a receptionist in a medical office. Over-qualified, mis-qualified and unemployed.

A few weeks back I met a young man who took a different path yet embodies the success for which so many young people strive. He is 29, single, self-employed and financially secure. His job pays well, enough for him to buy a home in Huntington Beach in a zip code with a median home price of $762,000. By most measures of financial success he is doing well, very well for his age.

He is successful, yet he had never attended college. Not one class, seminar or night course will be found on his resume. He has no formal business training, yet he makes over $100,000 a year.

He is a pool man.

He has been cleaning swimming pools for 13 years, since he was 16 years old. His father is a pool man and he learned the trade from him, how to monitor chlorine levels, remove algae and repair heaters and filters. After a few years working with his father he struck out on his own, acquiring customers and building his business.  Before long he was making a good living. Young and debt free, he was able to put a large portion of his earnings into savings, eventually enough for a down payment. He is a success.

He is a reminder that the road to success does not always go through college. Something for students and their parents to remember!

- Bart

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Breaking Families with an iPhone

Illuminated screens are harming children. One study estimated that children between the ages of 2-5 spend 32 hours a week in front of a TV, an average of over 4 hours a day. Kids between 6-11 spend 28 hours a week watching TV, as well as additional hours on hand held devices and video consoles.

It is felt that the screen epidemic is the causative factor in a multitude of health issues, from ADHD to childhood obesity. Additional concerns have been raised about the content of what children watch. Television programs can reinforce negative stereotypes and contradict the values parents want to teach their children. Even when parents install internet filters, handheld devices with internet access can lead to children being exposed to adult content.

In response to these and other concerns the American Academy of Pediatrics has come out strongly in favor of limiting the amount of time children spend looking at screens. Recommendations are that the total time looking at screens of all types should be less than two hours daily. This is a good start but may not go far enough.

In spite of all of the data and research there is one aspect of children and screens that is frequently overlooked. Their parents are spending too much time looking at screens when they should be looking at their children. I saw this first hand this week while walking in the park near my home.

I was walking near the playground when I came across a father with a young boy. A bicycle on the ground near them revealed how they had arrived at the park for their Sunday afternoon outing. The child, who looked to be about 4 years old, was playing at the edge of the sand near where the playground equipment was located, drawing in the sand in the stick. The father was 6 feet away, lying on his stomach in the grass, thoroughly engrossed in his iPhone, paying no attention to what his child was doing. He was more interested in what was on the screen then he was in what his son was doing.

The father reminded me of how much we have lost to our screen obsessions. I wonder how many conversations have been skipped, how many stories gone untold, how many jokes unshared, because either the parent or the child was looking at a screen. It seems that the American Academy of Pediatrics is on the right track with their recommendations but it is too narrow. The limit should be extended to parents as well!

- Bart

House Calls of Death

He was serious alcoholic. His disease was so severe, his addiction so powerful, that 21 stints in rehab had failed. His marriage had fallen apart, his children had been taken in by his parents, he was unemployed, lonely and miserable. He was 41 years old and in his mind his battle against alcohol had been permanently lost. He gave up any hope of recovery and went to his primary care doctor looking for a special kind of help. On July 14 of this year his doctor gave him the “help” he requested. His doctor killed him.

The patient, Mark Langedijk, lived in Holland, the country with the world’s most liberal euthanasia laws. Physician administered death is common there, in 2015 more than 5500 Dutch citizens had their lives ended at the hands of a doctor. That calculates to about one of every 2000 Dutch adults. In Holland, having your life ended by a physician is not a rare event. 

The law, as originally introduced 16 years ago, was purported to be about allowing patients with terminal diseases to choose the timing and means of their own passing, a way for patients doomed with incurable and progressive illnesses to control their destiny and avoid needless suffering.  That is not the current reality. The scope of conditions for which physicians are allowed to give lethal injections has widened considerably. A young woman in her 20’s struggling with post-traumatic stress disorder from child sexual abuse was recently determined to have mental suffering severe enough to justify ending her life. A physician injected her with heart stopping medications.

An increasing number of states in the US have passed laws for physician assisted suicide, which makes the Dutch experience all the more sobering. All of these state laws were advanced with the same arguments and promises given in support of the laws in Holland.  Opponents of these laws who feared widespread and inappropriate use of euthanasia were accused of lacking compassion for the suffering of others. Proponents of these laws consistently argued against “slippery-slope” arguments, saying that controls and limits were included in the laws to make sure they would not be abused.

The reality is that slippery slope arguments are always valid. When society moves in a direction it typically continues in the direction. The debate is not about whether we will move towards greater use of euthanasia, that will happen. The only question is the steepness of the slope and the speed of our descent. When a society crosses the line and says that some lives can be terminated they have embraced a system in which society has the right to determine which lives are worth living and which are not. The stories from Holland remind us that once that line has been crossed,  that over time more and more lives will be determined unlivable and more lives will be ended by physicians.

If there is no course correction, Americans will one day wake up in a world where death doctors are performing house calls, a thought which should be sobering to us all.

Bart

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reference- The Daily Mail November 30, 2016