Pizza, Porn and Making a Stand

It was supposed to be a pizza party. It soon became a porn party. The members of the high school basketball team went to the local pizza parlor to hang out after a game. After a while the conversation took an unexpected turn. Several players took out their smart phones and brought up pornographic images. They laughed and joked and thought it was funny. For the one Christian member of the team it was anything but. It was awkward, and it was wrong. He called his parents and got an early ride home

When I heard this story I was heartbroken. I felt terrible for the young man who had been placed in such a difficult circumstance and I grieved over the lack of shame displayed by his team members. One thought repeated in my mind, “How did our society end up like this?”

There was a time when right and wrong were clearly defined. Not everyone chose to do the right thing but just about everybody knew what the right thing was. Wrong things included lying, cheating, foul language, underage drinking and alcohol use, and sex before marriage. Good things included respecting your elders, politeness, honesty and morality. Somewhere along the line these definitions were abandoned. Wrongness now only applies to such things as violent crime and political incorrectness and goodness is defined as whatever one wants as long as it does not directly hurt someone else.

How did this happen? It is the natural consequence of moral relativism. When right and wrong are no longer universal absolutes but are instead based on individual perceptions, moral decline is inevitable. Human nature leads people to think highly of themselves, so it is natural that people will define good as “what I do” and bad as “what someone else does” when given the opportunity. When good is determined solely by our personal desires there will be no need to rein our desires in.

When our nation embraced the moral relativism of humanism and  turned from its Judeo-Christian roots it also turned away from the well-defined moral code that guided our nation since its inception. Absent the boundaries of a clear moral code, immorality is boundless. Pizza parties become porn parties.

In such a world not only will immorality increase, morality will be attacked. Those who declare immoral behavior to be wrong will face accusations of intolerance, bigotry and of being judgmental. In such a context people of faith will endure difficult times.

When I deal with individuals who are caught up in an immorality I have learned that a simple question can bring clarity. My favorite question when I talk to someone caught in a moral failing is- "Is that the best you can do?" I challenge people to set goals of excellence for themselves, to strive to do their best, not to the minimum, in every area of their lives. I tell people that my goal in life is to be the best man, husband and father I can be, and that when confronted with a choice about a behavior I have trained myself to ask how the activity in question can help me be the best. 

I could go out and get drunk, but I want to do better than that, to have a clear mind and to remain in control.

I could look at pornography but I want to be better than that, to value my wife and allow her to be confident and secure in the knowledge that she is my ideal.

I could lie, I could cheat, but I want to be better, I want to be someone who is trustworthy, respected and believed.

The reason I want to give me best? Because God gave His Best for me.

-          Bart

Thanks for reading, take the time to be your best today. If you know anyone who may be encouraged by this post, consider clicking the share button and letting them know. Comments and questions are welcome. You can subscribe to the blog (click the button) to have future posts delivered to your inbox, or you can follow me on twitter @bartbarrettmd. 

Why You Shouldn't Hate Your Job

Millions of Americans have become spectators in life, sitting on the sidelines and simply watching as others participate in one of life’s greatest endeavors. 1 in 5 American families misses out on the character-building, relationship-training activity that was ordained by God from the beginning of time. In 20 percent of homes, nobody works at all. Everyone in our society suffers as a result.

My first job was as a janitor. Monday through Friday for an hour and a half I went into a small office building and cleaned toilets, emptied trash cans. dumped ash trays and swept floors. I hated it. With no one else around it was lonely, quiet and even a little spooky at times. It wasn’t fun but it wasn’t supposed to be. It was a job. I learned responsibility, commitment and that being a janitor was hard.

As with many teenagers in the 1970’s and 80’s I had several other jobs during high school and college and each taught me important lessons. I scooped ice cream at Baskin Robbins, where I learned inventory management, customer service and how to negotiate a raise. I sold shoes at Thom McAn, where I learned sales techniques, how to close a deal, how to read a customer and that working retail means working evenings, weekends and holidays. I worked on a loading dock for Montgomery Ward, where I learned how to balance a refrigerator on a dolly and unload a truck. I worked for Vons grocery stores, learning more customer service, how to pick quality produce and the benefits and disadvantages of union membership.

In each job I learned what it meant to work, to set aside pleasure and leisure to do what needed to be done. I learned what it meant to be a part of a team and how to work with people who were different from me. I had good bosses and bad bosses, both of which helped me become a better manager and employer. I learned the value of a dollar and how long I had to work to earn something I wanted. I gained self-respect and learned what it meant to do my best even when no one else was watching, or worse, to work hard even when the people who watched did not appreciate my efforts. Every job, every task and every shift was a growth experience.

Today in America, in 1 out of every 5 families, there is no one who is benefiting from the blessings of work. The innumerable lessons are unlearned and are not passed on. There is no one modeling the self-discipline of getting up on time in the morning and making oneself look presentable for the day. No one learning to submit to and interact with a superior, no one learning to negotiate a better deal. No one pays income tax and contributes to society economically, no one participates in making something or providing a service to a customer. 1 in 5 families receives all of its financial support from society, is totally dependent on others for survival..

It is impossible to overstate the long-term negative impact on our society of such dependence. Beyond the obvious fact that no economy can thrive in the long term when 20% of its families do not participate in the production of goods and services is the reality that no culture can thrive if large segments of the population do not receive the education and personal growth that only work can bring. 

Something needs to change. We need to quit referring to work as a curse and a chore to be avoided  and view it for what it truly is, a blessing and an opportunity to be embraced, whatever or wherever the job may be.

-          Bart

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Where have all the true Friends Gone?

I speak without fully listening. I interrupt frequently. I dominate conversations. People are intimidated by me. I am hypercritical. How do I know these things? My friends and family told me.

While none of the above messages was pleasant to hear, they have all been essential to my personal growth. They helped me identify my faults, understand the responses of others and grow as a person. If my friends had not cared enough to speak up, if they had simply “loved me for who I was” I would not be the person I am today.

It seems to me that although friends such as these are invaluable they are a vanishing breed. Most people seek out friends who validate and affirm, not friends who challenge and exhort, and our society is suffering as a result.

Not every feeling we have is healthy and not every desire should be fulfilled. It is our friends and family who can lovingly correct is when we wander, who can remind us that “being true to ourselves” is nowhere near as important as being true to our God.

Part of the reason such exhortations are increasingly rare is due to an incorrect understanding of judgment. If there is one scripture even atheists can quote it is “Judge not, lest you also be judged.” Jesus’ was teaching that we should not condemn others and reminding us that we would all be judged one day. What is overlooked in applying His words is that he also taught his followers to follow God’s law and that sin should be addressed. Avoiding condemnation is good, ignoring and accepting sin is not.

Distaste for judgment has become dominant and moral relativism has become the norm. As a result increasingly strange behaviors are becoming common place. Infidelity and sexual deviancy are so common as to be expected and embraced. No one speaks out anymore, no one stands for goodness. If anyone dares make a stand they are labeled as a hateful bigot.

The truth is that all human beings are broken and dysfunctional in one way or another and all of us have feelings and desires that are selfish and harmful. If we do not have people in our lives who love us enough to point out where we need to change and grow, we will do neither.

Let us pray that God will bless us with friends who care enough to correct us and that we will be true friends to those we love.

Bart

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Bill Cosby, Ben Affleck and Others Who Were Not What They Seemed to Be

People we considered our heroes are turning out to be anything but. How could we be fooled so badly?

Bill Cosby was America’s Dad. Not only did he play a loving, intelligent and supportive father on his television sitcom, he was a tireless advocate for education and personal responsibility. I was one of the millions who looked up to him and considered him a role model. Little did I know that he was a sexual deviant who preyed on women. Any claim he may have had to innocence evaporated these last few weeks when the transcript of a 2005 deposition was released in which he admitted under oath giving a woman a powerful sleeping pill in order to have sex with her. America’s Dad was in reality America’s Pervert.

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner were America’s Couple. Talented, beautiful and seemingly in love, they built a family together in the public eye. In the midst of the dysfunction of Hollywood they put on a façade of normalcy. There recent divorce announcement revealed the truth about their marriage. It was in reality dysfunctional and unhealthy. Careers came before kids, and the extended absences common with the acting profession contributed to the end of their marriage.

Leland Yee was an American success story. Born in China, he came to America at the age of 3. He graduated from UC Berkeley, one of the top schools in the nation, then went on to obtain a doctorate in Child Psychology. He worked as a child therapist for years before entering politics in 1988. He was a member of the school board in San Francisco, a county supervisor, and a member of the State Assembly in California before winning a seat in the California State Senate in 2006. He gained a reputation as a staunch advocate for gun safety and sponsored numerous bills restricting access to guns in California. In 2012 he announced his candidacy for the office of California Secretary of State. Mr. Lee was respected member of the Asian community and honored by gun control groups. He was also a crook and a gun runner. He pleaded guilty to federal racketeering charges July 1, 2015.

The list of similarly admired people who are not at all admirable is seemingly endless. Sports heroes, celebrities and even pastors are placed on pedestals for public adoration only to later be found completely unworthy of respect. I am left wondering how it is that we idolize losers with such regularity.

I have come to the conclusion that it is human nature to want heroes. We want to have someone to look up to, someone who can help us believe that amazing things are possible. What we do not want to recognize is the truth that all people are all messed up, that no person is perfect, near perfect or even good at heart.

We choose distant people as heroes, people we do not know well, because we can overlook or deny their imperfections. When we know someone well we tend to know their faults and failures and all of the ways in which they are not heroic at all. We tend to focus on their imperfections and cast them aside as potential role models.

In my life I am learning to look up to a different kind of person. I am learning to admire those who work hard at being the best they can be outside of the public eye, people who are far from perfect, who know their flaws and do not hide them but instead work to overcome them every day. I believe it is these people, who labor in the shadows and whose accomplishments are overlooked by others, who are the greatest role models in our world.

When the day comes that we all stand before God and give account for our actions it will not be the Afflecks, Garners, Cosby’s and Lee’s who are recognized. The greatest honor will not be reserved for the Obamas, Bushes, Clintons or Romneys of the world, the movers and shakers and the most powerful. It will be for those individuals who honored God in their daily lives, who faithfully loved and served God outside of the eyes of the world.

May we all seek to be and to honor these kind of heroes.

Bart

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A Selfish Leader Divides a Nation

A man in his 40’s with little leadership experience assumes the highest position in the land. The man who came before him had made a number of bad decisions that had damaged the nation. Once unified and strong as a people, feared and respected by other countries, the people were now disheartened and on the verge of becoming divided. The young leader faced immense challenges. How would he respond?

Immediately after being announced as the next leader he was faced with a challenge from the people. Would he continue the policies of his predecessor or would he take a softer approach? The fate of the nation depended on his response. He turned first for an answer to wise and experienced men, men who understood the workings of the system and had political experience. When they did not give him the counsel he wanted, he instead turned to his long term advisers, men about his age who had climbed the ladder with him and who understood his desires and goals. It was the advice of the young counselors he decided to follow.

And the nation split.

The man was Rehoboam, the son of Solomon, the grandson of David, King of Israel. The story is over 3000 years old but it has not lost any of its relevance. When new leaders come into power their initial actions and responses can dramatically impact the future of the people they desire to lead. One mistake can lead to disaster.

In the case of Rehoboam, his father had been harsh and domineering. The people felt abused and uncared for. On the day he was to be made king they asked him a simple question and made a straight-forward promise. “Will you lessen the burden of your father? If you do, we will serve you.”

The counsel of the experienced men was that Rehoboam listen to the people and respond in kindness. These elders told the young king-to-be that if he handled the situation with grace and gentleness, if he assumed the role of a servant king, the people would serve him forever. Sadly, gentleness and grace did not align with Rehoboam’s ideas of kingship. He wanted power and authority.

Looking for validation of his ideas, he went to the friends he had grown up with. These young men, who had no concept of the responsibilities of leadership, shared Rehoboam’s desire for power and the belief that power and strength were the foundation of authority. Their counsel was that Rehoboam declare that he was going to be bigger, stronger and harsher than his father had been. Rehoboam listened to his friends.

When the people heard Rehoboam’s harsh response they rebelled. The kingdom was split and the nation was divided, beginning a downward spiral that ended with the divided nation being conquered and its people living in exile.

In this story are valuable lessons for leaders of today. Lessons that cannot be ignored by those who wish to succeed in leadership. If one is to lead, these principles are essential-

-          Good leaders listen to the people they lead. Predetermined plans carried out by edict will lead to division.

-          Good leaders seek and follow wise counsel. Yes-men are dangerous. Successful leaders look to experienced people who will speak truth, even when it is difficult.

-          Good leaders serve. Leaders are responsible to, and for, the people under their care. Self-serving leaders will inevitably fail.

-          Selfish leaders divide their people. A house divided against itself cannot stand, and divisiveness destroys a church or organization. Unity will require sacrifice.

If you are in a position of leadership and people are not following you as you wish they would, take the time to review the lessons of Rehoboam. The future of your people, your church or your business may depend on it.

-          bart

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