It's a Zit Emergency!

“My son needs see the doctor about his acne, TOMORROW!” The receptionist was caught off guard and unsure how to respond. While it is our policy to always see patients who have an urgent she was pretty sure that there was no such thing as a zit emergency. The call came on a Thursday afternoon and we were booked solid on Friday so she decided not to work the patient in. She took a message and told him we would call him back later.

At the end of the day they brought the message to my attention. It seemed a little absurd and unreasonable to the staff that someone could expect to be seen last minute for pimples. I almost never turn a patient away but they let me know this was not a time to go soft.  They told me that I spoil my patients and do not say “No” enough and they made it clear that this was a time when I should put my foot down.

“This is ridiculous!” they said, “they should have planned ahead of time. It is not your responsibility to bail them out because they forgot!” The rant lasted a few minutes/

They were right on every count. It was absurd and unreasonable. No doctor could reasonably be expected to squeeze in a last minute pimple appointment. (Pun intended!) They should have planned in advance and it was not my responsibility that they hadn't. I had every right to deny the request and no one could tell me I was wrong if I did.

But the thought came to me, “Is it only about being in the right?”

I thought about my Christian faith, which teaches that all people have gone astray and turned against God’s plan, and that we are all deserving of punishment. I thought that God could have looked at me and said, “You are going to hell!” and He would have been RIGHT. But God didn’t do that. He looked at me in my ridiculous stupidity and wrongness and decided that instead of punishing me, He would send His Son instead. He overlooked my wrongness and went above and beyond to help me.

With that in mind I told my staff that while we could turn the patient away and be “right”, overlooking their wrongness would only add 15 minutes to my workday. So together we all agreed that we were right and the patient was wrong, but that we would see the patient anyway, because that is how we would want to be treated.

We saw the patient the next day and I refilled the acne medication. I do not think that he appreciated or understood that he was being done a favor or that a special allowance had been made. That was okay. For me, the reminder that it is not always about being right was its own reward.

-          Bart

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Responding to Anti-Vaccine Hatred

“You killed that kid. You are a c---.”

“You are a part of the problem!”

“You should be ashamed of yourself and should not be a doctor at all.”

Since I published my posts on measles the attacks have been vicious and continuous. Multiple emails have flooded my inbox challenging my character and my motives and questioning my ethics and my intelligence, all sent by strangers who have never met me or spoken with me. As I read each one I ask myself, “How should I respond?”

The Barrett in me wanted to fight back, challenge every negative assertion and correct every false claim. I wanted to not just defend myself but to destroy their claims and show them to be the misguided people they were. I didn’t. Something stopped me.

That something might actually be a Someone, for at the time I was dealing with these responses I was also preparing to speak at a church in Burbank. The scripture for that Sunday was from the Sermon on the Mount, the part where Jesus informed His disciples that they were likely to be insulted, persecuted and lied about viciously in the course of following Him. He went on to describe how his followers should respond in such difficult circumstances, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”

I must confess that this response was not the first one that entered my mind when I read the hateful emails! How could kindness be the appropriate response to hatred? As I continued to review the passage of Scripture and prepared my talk the answer to that question became clear.  Jesus consistently taught about eternity, about the blessings of the life to come. When the temporary attacks of others are placed in the context of the enduring blessings of faith it is easier to see the attacks for what they are, the responses of lost and broken people, people in need of a relationship with their Creator.  in this eternal context it is also easier to understand the appropriate response, as my goal should not be retribution or punishment but an effort to guide them to truth.

With this in mind I tried to answer every email I received. I avoided argument, instead choosing to acknowledge receipt of their message and suggesting web sites they could visit if they wanted more information. I did not apologize for my stance or affirm theirs, for that would be disingenuous. When there were specific questions I did my best to answer them. I doubt that I changed any minds but I hope that I may have challenged some presuppositions. I did not act in the way they expected. I pray they will reflect on my words and maybe even read other posts on the blog.

As I consider my responses to these strangers I am led to reflect on my responses when hurt and offended by those who are closer to me. I think of patients who have complained or given me negative reviews and of recent employees who unjustly accused me of unfairness. I have concluded that it is much easier to brush off the accusations of a stranger than it is to deal with accusations from someone who you thought knew you better. It is easy in such hurtful circumstances to justify an angry or defensive response. It is easy, but that does not make it right.

I need to learn to not take these slights personally, to respond in kindness whenever possible and to love and pray for those who hurt me, for this is the response that should characterize those who follow Christ. I know this because it was the response of Christ himself when he hung dying on the cross, his prayer for his persecutors, “Father forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” What a powerful example

May we all become more forgiving people.

-          Bart

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4 Lessons on Failure, Courtesy of a Dying Church

What happened? How did I end up in this mess? I had such great plans, how did they all fall apart? Many of us have asked these questions when confronted with failure. Failure is a part of every life, even successful ones. While dealing with failure is never easy, those times we do not succeed are usually opportunities for learning and growth. If we do not learn the lessons then simple failure becomes a tragedy.

Failure in all forms is difficult but dealing with the failure of a church is especially hard. I saw this first hand 7 years ago when I was asked to preach to a church that was in its final days. The church had at one time been a thriving congregation of over a thousand. On the Sunday I was invited to speak the congregation had dwindled to fewer than 100 and had just made the decision to hand all of their property and facilities over to another church in town. It was a sad day. It was my goal that morning to find some positive lessons in the midst of the sadness.

 I turned to a biblical story from the Old Testament book of 1 Samuel, a tale of a time when the nation of Israel faced a disastrous failure. There I found lessons on why people fail that were applicable then and are still applicable today.

In 1 Samuel 4 the story is told that the people of Israel were defeated in battle by their enemies the Philistines. The leaders of Israel came up with a solution to this defeat and prepared to reengage the enemy. They sent someone home to fetch the Ark of the Covenant (a gold plated box that symbolized the presence of God) and bring it to the battlefield. Their logic seemed to be, "God is in the Ark, so if we bring the Ark,we bring God. If we bring God, we will win!"

Their lack of true spirituality revealed when the ark was brought to the battlefield by two priests who should have been removed from office years earlier. They were incredibly dishonest and immoral men, thieves and adulteres who clearly did not honor God or His law. Nevertheless, they were deemed worthy of escorting the ark to the battlefield. Believing that the ark guaranteed God’s blessing and ensured victory, the people let out a mighty cheer when the ark arrived, a cheer so loud that it caused fear in the Philistine ranks. The Israelite joy was short lived. Their plans and thinking were revealed as foolish shortly after the battle started. They were routed by the Philistines, their priests were killed and the ark was stolen. Over 30,000 Israelite soldiers were slaughtered. 

When news of the defeat reached the Israelites back home despair resulted. The father of the priests fell over backwards at the news and broke his neck. His daughter-in-law, wife of one of the priests, was in labor, giving birth to a son when the news came. There were serious complications during the delivery and she knew she was about to die. Overcome with despair at the loss of her husband and Israel's crushing defeat she named her son Ichabod, which means, “The Glory has departed.” She died convinced that the blessings of God were gone, that the nation of Israel was crushed and abandoned. It was a dark time of great failure for the Jewish people.

A close look at the story reveals common causes of failure in communities of faith, lessons for all of us today.

1- The people tried to do it their way. They thought they could do whatever they wanted and expected God to go along with their plans. They had an idea, going to war, and tried to get God to go along with it by bringing the ark. When people and churches fail it is often because they have gone their own way and expected God to follow. Many of my greatest mistakes have come in times when I was supremely confident that I knew what I was doing.

2- The people of Israel had leaders who made bad decisions and used flawed reasoning. Following bad leaders almost always leads to failure. In the Biblical example the leaders were mistaken in their understanding of the workings of God. It was the elders of Israel who had the idea of bringing the ark to the battlefield thinking that it would guarantee victory. So often leaders are wrongly convinced that they know exactly how things will play out. They get overconfident, place too much faith in themselves and everyone fails. We see this in organizations and even Churches today which often undone by leaders who mistakenly think they know how things should work or how God moves. Incompetent leaders don't make good choices!

3- The Israelites refused to deal with bad leadership. The immorality of the priests was widely known but was allowed to continue unchallenged for many years. I have seen this in business and even in small offices. When bad leadership is not addressed, failure results. Too often organizations and faith communities will sweep dysfunction under the carpet instead of dealing with it.

4-  The true cause of their failure eluded them. They did not see that they were at fault and instead blamed God. The dying woman expressed this, saying"The Glory has departed," implying God had abandoned them. Our failures are typically our fault! Blaming others causes us to not learn valuable lessons.

My concluding points  to the sermon I preached years ago still have relevance to people and churches now.

- We need to put less confidence in our own decisions. We need to be willing to question ourselves and seek wise counsel.  For Christians, this means making sure we are following God's plans and not our own.

- We need to be careful who we follow. Organizations (including churches) cannot function if every decision is analyzed and questioned, but they can't survive if there is only blind obedience. When it comes time to choose leaders we need to be diligent and cautious.

- We need to hold our leaders accountable and not ignore their sins and repeated mistakes. Dealing with failed leadership is difficult, but it is essential.

- We need to resist the trap of thinking that failure is the end. The dying woman declared that "the Glory had departed from Israel." As we read through the Old Testament we learn that Israel's greatest days and triumphs still lay ahead of her. It is easy to get caught up in our failure and want to give up. If we do we may miss out on what God has in store. 

Powerful lessons from failures thousands of years ago!

Bart

As indicated by the subtitle of the blog, my musings range from medicine to ministry to the meaning of life. I pray those post has stimulated reflection. If you found it helpful, please share it with your friends. For those new to the blog you can subscribe to future posts by clicking the subscribe button on the page. Posts on Medicine and marriage are coming soon! You can follow me on Twitter @bartbarrettmd. Comments are welcome! For those in Southern California, you are invited to join me this Sunday morning. 10:30 at Valley Baptist Church, 2201 West Alameda in Burbank. I will be speaking on dealing with criticism and tough times.

 

The Foundation of a Lasting Friendship

Many friendships don't last. Some we think will last forever quickly fade while a few endure in unexpected fashion. This is a story of such a friendship.

I have known Rod for thirty-five years. When I was 18 he took me in as a roommate. 7 years his junior, he was a brother, friend, mentor and guitar teacher to me.   At times we shared evenings filled with long and deep conversations about faith and life, other times I would sit and marvel at his guitar skills, listening with envy at the beautiful melodies he created, many of which I can still play.

Out friendship has endured these years in unique fashion. We do not speak often but are always glad when we do. We have very few things in common. He loves the outdoors, hiking and nature and knows next to nothing about sports or politics. I am lost outside of civilization and am addicted to sports and am a political junkie.  Come to think of it, we have almost nothing in common!

In spite of this we are friends, true friends, not the Facebook sort, but the kind that would come to one another's side at a moment's notice without question.

We remain friends because of a single, deeply shared commonality. We are brothers in faith. In our own ways and in our own worlds we each live each day doing our best to serve the God we love, the God who first loved us and who made us brothers.

Which is why I found myself sitting alone in a coffee house in an unfamiliar neighborhood in Long Beach on a Sunday night a few weeks ago. Rod was playing, one of three artists scheduled to perform that night.

I listened to him sing about life and about loss, about a search for meaning and purpose, sharing his gifts and talents with all those God brought his way.  He was genuine and transparent, honest and forthright. He was Rod. This is who and how he is.

As I listened I was transported back 35 years, to a place where I was once again sipping coffee listening to his music and looking up to a man who possessed a level of character and integrity to which I aspired. He is still an inspiration to me.

There is no question that I would not be who I am today were it not for Rod. His friendship has been such a gift. 

- Bart

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Love is never Hopeless.

waiting for a boy to become a man can be hard!

waiting for a boy to become a man can be hard!

It is very hard to look at a 13 year-old boy and accurately forecast the probability of future success. For my son Nate it was darned near impossible. The standard indicators of future success- a clean room, completed chores, and finished homework, were noticeably absent. At that age it seemed that his greatest hope for success in the world was dependent on there actually being a zombie apocalypse or an alien invasion. If there was one (or two) things he was really good at it was killing aliens and zombies. It was a skill honed and developed through hours of practice that arose out of a singular devotion to duty.

As a father it was incredibly frustrating. Like many dads looking at his cluttered room and hearing the endless video game explosions led to visions of my son standing at an intersection with a piece of cardboard that said “Will work for food.” (Although the thought that he might actually be willing to work was slightly comforting.)

My frustration was in large part my own fault. I had unreasonable expectations for a 13 year-old. (My wife will say that I also had unreasonable expectations for a 14, 15, 16, and 17 year-olds as well.) I was basing my opinion totally on what I saw with my eyes. I was ignoring two important things that I could not see- the goodness of his heart, influenced by the Biblical teaching that was a large part of his life, and the bigness of our God, who Nate had made a commitment to at a young age.

I was allowing present circumstances and performance to completely determine my perception of the future of my child. I was stupid, and on many occasions I did not show him love as I should have, for love does not only believe in the good intentions of someone’s heart for the present time, love believes that goodness of heart will result in good in the future. This belief that the future will be better has a name. It is called Hope.

Paul listed Hope as one of the characteristics of love in 1 Corinthians 13. “Love always hopes.” Even when current evidence is lacking, even when someone is failing right in front of us, when it comes to relationships with those we love, our family, especially our spiritual family, true love brings hope. Hope that the future need not be defined by the present. Hope that God is able to make broken people whole, that God can change lives for the good.

It is difficult to hope sometimes, difficult to believe that the future can be better. We need God’s help to love like this, need Him to remind us that He is in control, need to trust His ability to work in the lives of those He loves. But if we love others and love God we must trust, for love always hopes.

I had hope for my son. If I had allowed his dirty room and video games to define him, I would have not encouraged him to be more and do more. My hopes were not disappointed as he has since exceeded my hopes for him. He is a good man, a loving husband, and a devout believer. He is still equipped to deal with the coming zombie apocalypse, but he is also finishing a law degree at UCLA, and working for the District Attorney, where he is displaying a talent for dealing with real life bad guys. Thank God for hope.

-          Bart

This is the 13th post in a series on love based on 1 Corinthians 13. If you have been encouraged by this post, please consider sharing it. If you have a story or comment to share, please share it in the comments. You can be sure to receive all future posts in your email by subscribing to the blog as well. (Link is upper right on a computer, at the bottom of the page on a mobile device.)