The Search for Peace

She was tired. After years of being overlooked, patronized and ignored she had reached the breaking point. She didn’t believe in divorce but she couldn't bear the thought of living forever with a man who did not seem to respect or love her. She knew the Bible talked about husbands loving their wives as Christ loved the church and she longed for this from her husband. He had promised her this love many times but the promises were empty, his behavior never changed. Her life was in turmoil and her home was in constant conflict. She wanted peace. She hadn’t felt it in so long.

She finally decided that enough was enough. She was done. She told her husband that their marriage was over, that she was leaving. As the words left her mouth she felt something she had not felt in a long time, peace. She felt calm, even a sense of hope. In that peace and calmness she felt as if God was confirming her decision, that she had finally found what she was looking for.

She was wrong. She felt peace and calm but it was not from God. Like so many others in similarly difficult circumstances she fundamentally misunderstood the Biblical concept of peace.

When people define peace they typically think in terms of life circumstances or mental state. We think of peace as the absence of conflict or as a state of mental calm. We agree with the dictionary.com definition: “freedom of the mind from annoyance, distraction, anxiety; tranquility; serenity.” When stress is absent, peace exists.

When we seek this type of peace we will be tempted to leave stressful circumstances, to avoid conflict and to walk away from difficult relationships. When we do walk away we will, for a while, feel a sense of relief. But is that peace? Is this what God wants for us?

In seeking to understand the peace that God brings it is wise to see how He describes it. Just before He was crucified, Jesus promised peace to His followers-

 “Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you.” John 14:27

He was describing a peace that was different from the peace given by the world, both in its permanence and essence. It is helpful to remember the events that followed Jesus’ words. Within hours Jesus was arrested and His followers were scattered. 6 weeks later, after His resurrection, some of His followers were arrested and beaten for their faith. Within a short time these same disciples were being put to death as religious outlaws. Not exactly how people typically define peace!

The Apostle Paul later wrote that we should not be anxious, but that we should instead pray, and that the result would be that “the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Paul says that God’s peace surpasses all comprehension. The peace that people feel when they leave a difficult relationship, avoid a problem or walk away from a challenge is not beyond comprehension, it is perfectly understandable. It is not a stretch then to say that if the peace experienced is  predictable and understandable, it may not be from God. It definitely should not be cited as confirmation of God’s will!

My prayer for the woman in the difficult marriage is that she will learn to seek the peace of God. A peace that results not from the absence of difficulty in life but rather a peace that sustains in the midst of our difficulties. God’s peace comes from our relationship with Him, not from our relationships with others. God’s peace comes from doing the right and difficult things, in knowing that our lives please Him. This peace is not dependent in any way on  circumstances, which means it is available to everyone in every moment.

-          Bart

Lacking peace? Under stress? I would love to pray for you. Feel free to send me a message through the contact page on this site. Know someone who needs to hear these words? Click the share button to share the post with others. You can have posts delivered to your inbox by subscribing to the blog, or follow me on twitter@bartbarrettmd.

An Offer of Prayer, Rescinded

When she offered the prayer I was both surprised and touched. When she took back the offer I was amazed.

The patient was a sweet Christian woman in her 80’s. She and her husband were in together for a medical visit and they had noticed the brace on my knee. I explained that it was due to arthritis and was worn to help relieve pain.  She instantly made the prayer offer, "Oh doctor, may we pray for you?"

“Sure” I replied. I felt a little awkward, but I thought, "why not?" 

“If we pray will you believe that God will heal you?” was her next question.

“I believe He can heal me,” I replied, “I do not think He will, but you are welcome to pray.”

“Well, if you don’t believe then there is no reason for us to pray for you,” and with that the offer was rescinded!

I was taken aback by her response. She actually believed that God’s response was totally dependent on me! I saw no point in arguing (and for once in my life didn’t) but I was saddened nonetheless. I wondered how many times in her life she had blamed herself for unanswered prayer, how many times she had thought that if she had just believed a little bit more that God would have answered.

There are many things about my faith that I do not fully understand but I am certain that God does not act according to my wishes and to the limits of my faith. I do not control Him and He is not bound by me. I pray and ask for His blessings and for Him to relieve my pain, resting in the knowledge that He is able to heal me and trusting in His ability to sustain me if healing is not His plan. He has shaped me and molded me through each challenge in life and I have learned that sometimes, pain can bring good things.

But you can still pray that God will take mine away!

-          Bart

Thanks for reading. I post 2-3 times a week on topics of faith, medicine and life in general. You can have posts delivered to your inbox by subscribing to the blog and comments and questions are always welcomed. You can also follow me on twitter @bartbarrettmd.

Why Pastors And Leaders Don't Get Fired. Even When They Should

It is always hard to address failure. When the person failing is the leader of a church it is even harder. As painful as it can be to confront a leader, the pain of ignoring a problem is almost always worse.

I read with sadness recently the reports on the demise of Mars Hill Church, a massive church in the Seattle area. The church welcomed over 12,000 attendees each Sunday to its services at 15 different venues in the city and surrounding communities and its Pastor, Mark Driscoll, was somewhat of a celebrity in evangelical circles. The church seemed to be growing and successful. Members were understandably shocked when the announcement came in the fall of 2014 that Driscoll was resigning and the church would cease to exist in its existing structure. The organization dissolved, and what was once one church with 15 locations fractured into 11 independent churches. Mark Driscoll was out of a job.

While the news caught most people off guard, it was not a surprise to those who were in the know. It seems Mark Driscoll was not a very nice man. While charismatic and gifted as a speaker, church leaders revealed that he was mean-spirited, domineering and profane in his dealings with other church leaders and members. He lacked the personal character required of those in his role. When his inevitable fall from grace came he took the church down with him. The fault was not only Driscoll's. The elders of the church tolerated the intolerable for too long and their unwillingness to act irreparably harmed the church.

Reading of the tragedy of Mars Hill leads me to reflect on why it is that churches and other organizations select, tolerate and even enable dysfunctional leadership. The fiasco of Mars Hill is not an isolated event. In my years in ministry and medical practice I have observed many men who were not qualified to lead be allowed to continue in their roles unchecked and undisciplined. The list of pastoral wrong doings of which I am personally aware includes foul language, arrests, sexual indiscretions, recurrent gossip, bullying of staff, and misuse of church funds. The list of professional malfeasance in secular organizations is even longer.  In the majority of circumstances the pastors continued in ministry and leaders continued in their roles without significant consequences. When I consider the cases of which I am aware I see a number of recurrent problems. While I specifically address the role of senior pastors, the role with which I am most familiar, the issues and principles they represent apply not only to churches but to leaders in other large organizations as well. 

Problem #1-      A Culture of Celebrity.

We live in a world that makes pastors into stars. Mark Driscoll had a salary of over $500,000 a year and commanded speaking fees of over $15,000 per appearance. Even in smaller churches the pastor can become the center of the church community, the focus of the ministry. This can lead to a fear that the church could die if the pastor leaves. As a result sin is overlooked. As long as people are coming, the pastor is not confronted. When the pastor is the focus, focus is lost. 

The Solution-  Churches need to guard against making one man the focus. This danger is increased with multi-campus churches that broadcast one pastor's preaching into multiple venues. It can be addressed by having other men assume more visible leadership roles, and by making character a priority. Talent is no substitute for character.

2-      Weak Leadership.

Elders (or governing boards) are supposed to be overseers, shepherds who guard the flock. Men in this position may at times be required to confront those who are in error. In many churches elders are poorly suited for this aspect of the job. They are often chosen or elected because they are nurturing and supportive by nature. In churches where Elders are elected there is a danger of selecting leaders who are more popular than they are firm in their convictions. 

The Solution- Churches should seek out men with proven records of character who have shown they can make difficult decisions.

3-      Change is Hard. And Risky.

No one wants to admit they are wrong, and it is not easy for leaders to admit to a congregation that they picked the wrong guy or that the right guy turned wrong. How do you explain to a church body that the man they have been listening to every Sunday is not the godly leader they thought he was? It is often easier to rationalize and ignore than deal with the fall out.

The Solution- Create a culture where self-assessment is expected. Periodic reviews of the ministry should be scheduled and results shared publicly. When self-correction is a part of the culture necessary change is less disruptive.

4-      Small Parts, Big Whole

Often times no single event is big enough to merit confronting the pastor. While multiple small events are at times indicative of a major character flaw, confrontation in such circumstances is more difficult. This can result in pastors who remain in their positions if infidelity is non-consummated, or whose bullying of staff is verbal but not physical. 

The Solution- Create a culture where leaders are expected to perform at the highest levels of personal conduct and where the truth that words and deeds reflect a man’s heart is embraced. Simple apologies should be rejected and replaced by definitive action plans and formal counseling.

5-      Misplaced Faith

We believe in a God who restores, redeems and rehabilitates. Leaders often feel that they need to give struggling pastors time to allow God to move. While this is true in most circumstances, when it comes to the senior pastor the bar can and should be higher.

The Solution- If the pastor needs significant rehabilitation he needs to step aside. There is a spiritual battle being waged and a weak general puts everyone at risk. Extending grace does not necessarily mean foregoing action.

This list could be much longer. It is my hope that pastors and leaders who read these words will be encouraged to stand up for their flocks and their faith. Scripture is filled with examples of people suffering due to the sins of their leaders. None of us want our church's story added to the list!

For those in leadership roles in other organizations the principles still apply. When we allow dysfunction to continue unchecked everyone suffers.

- Bart

Know a leader who needs to hear this message? Please consider sharing it. Comments or questions? I would love to hear them.

One of Christianity's Biggest Lies

We like formulas. We want to know that when we follow the appropriate steps in the correct order that a positive outcome is guaranteed. To this end we buy books that promise such things as 6 Steps to a Happy Marriage, 8 Principles for Success in Business, and 7 keys to Getting into The College of Your Dreams. Falling for these fantastic promises in our personal lives is sad. Falling for such false promises in our spiritual lives is a tragedy.

The idea that God blesses us because of what we do is one of the biggest lies in Christianity. Too many of us fall for it.

Blessing in this life is not guaranteed by following any formula or set of rules. God’s blessings are based on His character and not our performance. While many Christians will profess this truth our lives can say otherwise. When we follow God we expect him to bless us and give us what we desire. When it doesn’t happen we find ourselves disillusioned, disappointed and depressed.

This is where I found myself in 1993. I had just started my first “real” doctor job and life was going well. Lisa and I were both teaching Sunday School and regularly attending Bible Study. We were giving more to the church than we ever had before in both time and finances and we were checking all of the spiritual boxes. Everything was going well except for the area of fertility.

We had struggled to conceive for years. Our son appeared to be a fluke, as in the three years after his birth Lisa had not conceived in spite of our not using any contraception. A miscarriage in June was disappointing but it at least confirmed that conception was possible. We were certain that God would soon bless us with another child.

In November our prayers were seemingly answered. It all made sense to us. We were faithfully serving God and He had blessed us with another pregnancy. A few weeks later the bleeding started and an ultrasound confirmed another miscarriage. We were devastated. We found ourselves wondering what had happened. We had actually thought, at least to some degree, that our faithful service would result in God answering our prayers. We were wrong.

The broken thinking that led us to believe that we had a part to play in God’s blessing us, that there was an element of earning blessings, caused our grief to be greater than it would have otherwise been. In the loss of that pregnancy we were taught the truth that God blesses in His time, for His purposes, to those that He chooses, for His reasons. We don’t earn anything.

It is only when we understand the truth of God's grace that we can break free from the lie of earned blessing. Sadly for me, it took the sorrow of loss for me to learn the lesson.

- Bart

I share more details of our heartbreak and the lessons learned in the 4th part of the series I taught on Broken Thinking. All four parts are available on my vimeo page at www.vimeo.com/bartbarrett. This particular lesson can be viewed by clicking here.

An Atheist Asks for Prayer

“Doc, you know I’m an atheist, but I know you are a man of faith and I am going to ask you to pray for me.”

Atheists do not usually ask for prayer but this was a special circumstance. Being diagnosed with cancer causes people to reconsider beliefs they had previously rejected, to look for help in new places. Although my phone call to him delivering the biopsy results was not unexpected the diagnosis still hit him pretty hard. He had cancer and it was serious. He took only a moment to absorb the information before telling me he was not ready to die and he was afraid.

He had been battling a number of health issues for several months. First had come an unusual cancer of the skin and superficial tissue of his back, a cancer so rare that none of the doctors had seen it before. Shortly after the final surgery and radiation treatments for that cancer he developed an irregular heartbeat and was diagnosed with atrial fibrillation. Blood thinners became a part of his life. He had always been strong and healthy and now he was on chronic medications. He was no longer invincible.

While he dealt with the stress of these diseases he began to battle another problem. He developed severe stomach upset that made it difficult for him to eat. Heartburn, indigestion and nausea became his daily companions. He lost 50 pounds. He saw a specialist, but the specialist was concerned about doing an endoscopy and biopsy while he was on the blood thinners so definitive testing was delayed. After several weeks of waiting he called me and asked for a new GI doctor. A few weeks later the new GI doctor called me to let me know that he had done an endoscopy and discovered a cancer in the stomach. That news led to my call to the patient and to his unexpected prayer request.

A few weeks later he scheduled an appointment with me to go over his options and ask my opinion. We discussed what we knew (which was too little for me to give him a decent prognosis) and we discussed several possible outcomes. Although the cancer is serious and life threatening he is determined to survive. He again asked me to pray for him. I told him that I had been praying and would continue to do so.

As often happens during life and death conversations the discussion drifted to other areas of his life. He talked being estranged from his son and how difficult that had been for him. He shared about a recent school reunion that was bittersweet, as the joy of renewing old friendships was tempered by the gravity of his diagnosis. He told me about his journey away from faith many years ago, how travels to Europe and Africa had included visits to concentration camps and  areas of mass genocide. Faced with such evidence of evil he had rejected the idea of God's existence.  

Time and circumstances made deeper conversation inappropriate but it seemed to me that there was much he wanted to discuss, many more issues of the heart he desired to explore. It seemed that my years of caring for him had resulted in me being someone he felt he could trust. I wrote down my cell phone number and handed it to him.

“Anytime you want to talk, I’ll buy the food or the coffee. Not as your doctor, but as your friend.”

He promised he would take me up on the offer. I pray I will be an encouragement to him if and when he calls.

When he left I was again reminded of how important it is to not only care for my patients but to care about them. Sometimes the greatest therapeutic tool available is our ears. We just need to listen.

- Bart

Thanks to all who offer encouragement via comments and email. It is wonderful to hear that some are blessed by what I write. Please consider sharing the blog with others you know, it only takes a few clicks and it is the only way people know about the blog. You can subscribe to the blog as well and have posts delivered to your email, click on the button below.