A Christian Doctor's Thoughts about the Supreme Court's Decision on Marriage

The Supreme Court has declared that marriage is a fundamental right that must be extended to all regardless of their sexual orientation. Opinion polls indicate that the majority of Americans agree with the decision. How should Christians respond?

If we consider the current state of marriage in America it would seem that the Supreme Court might have got it right. For the vast majority of Americans marriage is little more than a social contract between two consenting adults. It is an agreement to share resources, divide assets and assign legal rights such as survivorship, inheritance and power-of-attorney. That it is no more than a legal construct is supported by people’s utilization of pre-nuptial agreements, which are a contract specifically delineating the limitations of the subsequent marriage contract.

A key aspect of contracts is the manner in which they can be broken or resolved. We have an entire segment of our civil code dedicated to governing the termination of marital contracts. Everything from homes, pets and even children are treated as assets to be divided. The rise of “shared custody” agreements, where time with children is parceled out by a judge, is the natural consequence of viewing marriage as little more than a contract.

If marriage is just a contract between two consenting adults, why shouldn’t same sex couples be allowed to enter into such an arrangement? What rational argument can be made to the contrary?

The Christian teaching is that marriage is more than a contract. It is a covenant. It is founded not in a commitment to share resources for mutual benefit but in submission to God’s divine plan for humanity. It was ordained and created by God as a declaration of His provision and love, an expression of His plan for creation. Scripture teaches that He created Male and Female and that in so doing He created them different and complementary, designed to achieve full expression in the oneness that comes from marriage. The marriage covenant is intended to last and to reflect God's unbreakable commitment to His people.

This understanding of marriage as covenant was abandoned by our nation, including many who profess to be Christian, long ago. When essential components of the marriage covenant such as fidelity, sexual purity, and an unbreakable life-long commitment were set aside, when the church turned a blind eye to pre-marital and extramarital sex, pornography, and divorce, the definition of marriage was beginning to change. When the authority to define marriage was delegated to the government further change became inevitable. In a representative government state policies evolve and adapt to changes in the attitudes and beliefs of the governed. As societal values change over time so will laws and statutes, so a departure from a traditional definition of marriage was inevitable.

It is for this reason that those who look to constitutional amendments, judicial appointments or presidential elections to return marriage to its traditional definition are wasting their time and energy. The best defense of traditional marriage will never arise from the eloquent arguments of an attorney or the blistering dissent of a judge. It will be found in the powerful testimony of Christians living in covenantal marriage in full view of a critical public.

While our nation and our courts may proclaim that marriage is defined as a commitment made by any two consenting adults, Christians who adhere to Biblical teaching are compelled to say it is much more. It is a covenant established by our Creator, intended to be symbolic of His love for His people. While we must say this with our words, we will say it best when we say it with our actions. If we do not fight for covenantal marriage in our own homes, families and churches, we cannot expect to be heard when we take the fight into the secular world.

My prayer for the church is not that the Supreme Court decision will lead to greater political action. My prayer is that the decision will result in personal action. May Christians be motivated to a renewed commitment to purity, fidelity and faithfulness, may divorce become a rarity in our churches, and may true love and commitment between husbands and wives become defining characteristics of our families. This is the greatest argument for marriage that we can make. If we fail to make this argument no other argument will matter.

- Bart

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The Most Important Lesson of the Charleston Shootings

9 Christians are dead. They welcomed a young stranger into their midst, treated him with kindness and grace, and he killed them. Ruthlessly and without remorse he shot them all because of the color of their skin. The killer has been appropriately described as a monster, a beast and a psychopath, but the family members of the slain called him something else and with their words taught us all what it means to be a Christian.

When the gunman was brought for a preliminary hearing the family members were allowed to address him in the court room. One by one they went to the podium and addressed the video screen on which the murderer’s image could be seen. Here are some of the things they said-

“I forgive you, my family forgives you. … We would like you to take this opportunity to repent. Do that and you'll be better off than you are right now.”

“You hurt me. You hurt a lot of people. But God forgive you. I forgive you.”

“For me, I'm a work in progress, and I acknowledge that I'm very angry. We have to forgive. I pray God on your soul”

“You took something very precious away from me. I will never talk to her ever again. I will never be able to hold her again. But I forgive you. And have mercy on your soul.”

Their lack of vitriol, malice and a desire for vengeance was astonishing. Their loved ones had been brutally murdered, at church. Families were shattered, parents and children were gone. Instead of calling him a monster they called him forgiven. How could these suffering people forgive such a man?

The answer can be found on the official website for the AME Church. A part of their statement of faith is the Apostle’s Creed, which says-

I believe in God the Father Almighty, Maker of heaven and earth, and in Jesus Christ his only son our Lord who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, dead; and buried. The third day he arose from the dead’ he ascended into heaven and sits at the right hand of God the Father Almighty; from there he shall come to judge the quick and the dead. I believe in the Holy Spirit, the Church Universal, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body and the life everlasting.

They forgave, because they are forgiven.

They do not despair, because they believe that death is not the end.

They rest in the assurance that they will someday be reunited with those they have lost, that no evil deed done by a man on earth can alter their eternal destiny. Their loved ones that are gone are not gone forever, they are in the presence of God. They understand that as terrible a man as the shooter is, he is still loved by God and that God could save him and change him, and that would be a good and glorious thing.

In a letter written by the Apostle Peter to the church at large he spoke of the power of faith through trials such as these-

“Though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials, these have come so that your faith… may be proved genuine and may result in praise glory and honor.” 1 Peter 1:6-7

I thank God for the encouragement and testimony of the AME Church of Charleston. Their faith has been proved genuine indeed.

- Bart

Why Doctor Visits are Frustrating and What You Can Do About It

You wait weeks to see the doctor. You could have scheduled a visit sooner, should have scheduled a visit sooner, but life and time got away from you. It has been so long since you have been in and you want to make the most of your visit so you make a list of the things about which you are concerned. Not all of the things are major or important but you figure you might as well bring them all up, because it may be a while before you make it in again.

The receptionist was in a hurry when you called so you did not bother to tell her all of the issues you wanted to address, you mentioned the back pain and the blood pressure that you have been ignoring since the last time you were seen 2 years ago. You will bring the rest up when you see the doctor.

After a 30 minute wait in the waiting room and another 15 in the exam room the doctor hurries in. He greets you briefly before turning to his computer. “I see you are having some back pain and your blood pressure is still high,” he says without turning to look at you, “How long has your back been acting up?”

You want to give him the full story, so you begin to tell him about how it all started 4 years ago lifting boxes at work, and how it has been bad off and on since then but has been really bad for the last 3 weeks. He interrupts you 15 seconds in, “How long for this episode?”

“Three weeks, but it all start…” interrupted again, “Any weakness or change in your bowel or bladder?”

“No, but…” you reply, “Let me have you sit up here,” again interrupted, you sit on the table and the doctor does a quick exam on your legs, checking your reflexes and strength. He doesn’t even look at your back. Within what seems like seconds he tells you that he is going to give you an anti-inflammatory medication and send you to physical therapy. If you are not better in 3-4 weeks you are to come back for a follow up visit.

He then tells you that he wants you to check your blood pressure at home 2-3 times a week and return in a month for a follow up blood pressure check as you may need medicine. He says you also need lab work and tells you to pick up the order at the desk on your way out. As he reaches for the doorknob he says you also need a mammogram and a colonoscopy and that he wants you to pick up the paperwork for those at the desk as well.

“Okay, but there were a few other things I wanted to talk to you about,” you plead.

“We can discuss those when you come back in a month,” he replies as he disappears out the door.

The entire interaction took about 10 minutes and you are left wondering what happened. You are walking out with several recommendations you did not ask for, little attention for your main issue and no attention at all to the remainder of your list. You ask yourself, “Is this why I have health insurance?”

Welcome to modern medicine, where the doctor does what he is required to do and the patient feels as if nothing has been done at all. Here are the things you need to know to help you understand and navigate this seemingly uncaring healthcare system.

1-      Routine visits are scheduled 15 minutes apart. Most doctors do not type well and electronic records are horrendously slow and inefficient, so the time available for the doctor-patient interaction is a net of 10 minutes or so. If there are two issues to be addressed, that is 5 minutes each. Very few doctors can effectively treat more than a few complaints at a time, and you really don’t want them to!

2-      Longer visits cost the doctor money. In a perfect world physicians would make the same for one 30 minute visit as they do for two 15 minute visits. The world is not perfect and they don’t. Under many insurances a long visit may only pay an additional 50% over a short visit. Doctors can do the math, so instead of scheduling long visits they ask you to return if there are many issues to address.

3-      Common complaints don’t usually require much thought or attention. Back pain in a healthy person without weakness or incontinence is almost NEVER anything to worry about. It will go away in 3-4 weeks with or without treatment. MRI’s and X-rays don’t change this fact. For many mild illnesses and conditions there is not much to do. If lengthy discussions and examinations don’t change the treatment plan, why do them?

4-      Doctors are responsible for your preventative health screens, whether you are interested in them or not. We get evaluated based on the percentage of patients who have mammograms, colonoscopy, PAP smears and appropriate immunizations. As we do not know if or when a patient will return for follow up we are forced to squeeze time for these recommendations into other visits. The result- We may not have the time for everything you wanted to discuss.

5-      There is much more to a doctor’s day than patient visits. Doctors spend a minimum of 2-3 hours a day working on issues outside of the exam room. Medication refills, phone questions, review of test results and lab results, disability and FMLA forms, home health orders, consult requests, referrals and appeals of insurance denials are endless. Doctors get paid for none of this work. We frequently try to do some of this work between visits, which further cuts into patient care time.

While this explains why your doctor is hurried and grumpy, there is still the question of how you get the care you desire. Here are somethings you can do to help your doctor take better care of you and get your health issues addressed.

1-      Take responsibility for your preventative screening needs. Schedule a wellness visit and ask what you need. Write it down, or save a link to recommendations. Enter the dates in your calendar or cell phone and then get the screenings done. If you take the time to make sure you are up to date your doctor won’t have to.

2-      If you have a number of issues you want to discuss, prioritize them. Tell the receptionist and the nurse the issues so the doctor will know when she comes into the room. Tell the doctor the items that are most important to you and be willing to come back if more time is needed.

3-      Don’t expect a lengthy visit for a common problem. Doctors sometimes see simple complaints such as acute back pain, bladder infections and colds as short visits that allow them to catch up when they are behind or to gain time after a complicated visit.

4-      If you do not feel comfortable with your visit, let the doctor know. Try saying something like, “I sorry, but I am confused. Could you explain this to me?”

5- If you need a lot of time, ask for it! You may need to come back, but most doctors want to help and may be willing to spend the extra time you need.

- Bart

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A Selfish Leader Divides a Nation

A man in his 40’s with little leadership experience assumes the highest position in the land. The man who came before him had made a number of bad decisions that had damaged the nation. Once unified and strong as a people, feared and respected by other countries, the people were now disheartened and on the verge of becoming divided. The young leader faced immense challenges. How would he respond?

Immediately after being announced as the next leader he was faced with a challenge from the people. Would he continue the policies of his predecessor or would he take a softer approach? The fate of the nation depended on his response. He turned first for an answer to wise and experienced men, men who understood the workings of the system and had political experience. When they did not give him the counsel he wanted, he instead turned to his long term advisers, men about his age who had climbed the ladder with him and who understood his desires and goals. It was the advice of the young counselors he decided to follow.

And the nation split.

The man was Rehoboam, the son of Solomon, the grandson of David, King of Israel. The story is over 3000 years old but it has not lost any of its relevance. When new leaders come into power their initial actions and responses can dramatically impact the future of the people they desire to lead. One mistake can lead to disaster.

In the case of Rehoboam, his father had been harsh and domineering. The people felt abused and uncared for. On the day he was to be made king they asked him a simple question and made a straight-forward promise. “Will you lessen the burden of your father? If you do, we will serve you.”

The counsel of the experienced men was that Rehoboam listen to the people and respond in kindness. These elders told the young king-to-be that if he handled the situation with grace and gentleness, if he assumed the role of a servant king, the people would serve him forever. Sadly, gentleness and grace did not align with Rehoboam’s ideas of kingship. He wanted power and authority.

Looking for validation of his ideas, he went to the friends he had grown up with. These young men, who had no concept of the responsibilities of leadership, shared Rehoboam’s desire for power and the belief that power and strength were the foundation of authority. Their counsel was that Rehoboam declare that he was going to be bigger, stronger and harsher than his father had been. Rehoboam listened to his friends.

When the people heard Rehoboam’s harsh response they rebelled. The kingdom was split and the nation was divided, beginning a downward spiral that ended with the divided nation being conquered and its people living in exile.

In this story are valuable lessons for leaders of today. Lessons that cannot be ignored by those who wish to succeed in leadership. If one is to lead, these principles are essential-

-          Good leaders listen to the people they lead. Predetermined plans carried out by edict will lead to division.

-          Good leaders seek and follow wise counsel. Yes-men are dangerous. Successful leaders look to experienced people who will speak truth, even when it is difficult.

-          Good leaders serve. Leaders are responsible to, and for, the people under their care. Self-serving leaders will inevitably fail.

-          Selfish leaders divide their people. A house divided against itself cannot stand, and divisiveness destroys a church or organization. Unity will require sacrifice.

If you are in a position of leadership and people are not following you as you wish they would, take the time to review the lessons of Rehoboam. The future of your people, your church or your business may depend on it.

-          bart

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Fatherless on Father's Day

I have not seen my father since 1993. He is still alive and he could see me if he wanted to, he just doesn’t want to.  In his mind I am not worth it. I failed to perform as desired, I did not meet his expectations so in his mind he was absolved of all parental responsibilities. He was done with me.

He was not always disgusted with me. There were a few occasions when he actually was proud of me and showed it. At my medical school graduation ceremony, after receiving my diploma I turned to the audience and saw my father standing on his chair pumping his fist in the air. It meant so much to me to see that I had finally gained his approval and made him happy. It didn’t last. Disownment was just 30 months away.

In the 22 years since I last saw my dad I have asked myself how it is that a father could disown a child. It is hard to imagine what is required to justify such an act. It makes sense if a child is a monster (I would not have faulted Osama Bin Laden’s dad for not making the trip to the compound in Pakistan!) but for a true father it should be almost impossible to let go.

My kids have reached adulthood and letting go is quite difficult for me. My son is 25 and has been married for three years but he is still my boy. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about him and want to hear about his life. It takes effort to not call him. My daughter still lives at home and wonders when the questions will stop. I ask her about every aspect of her life and look for any opportunity to spend time with her. They are my kids and I am their dad. It is what I do.

When I think about what it means to be a dad, this is the thing that seems most important. A dad is always there, whenever needed and often times when he isn’t. A true dad is an emotional rock his children can stand on, a shelter where refuge can be found in the storms of life and a fixed point of reference to show the way when vision is cloudy. A dad is a dad 24 hours a day 7 days a week. It is what he does.

While I never had this from my father I did not live my whole life without it. My father-in-law lived it for me for 23 years. He was a quiet man who seldom spoke his affection, but he had the “always there” part of being a dad mastered. For him it was unconditional. He was there financially to bail his kids out, even when they had been foolish with their money. He fixed our cars when the accidents were our fault. There are no words to describe the comfort I felt simply knowing that if things went bad, “Pops” would be there for me, or the anxiety that I feel now that he is gone. He did what every father is supposed to do. He was a model of the love our Heavenly Father has for us.

I take great comfort in knowing that God’s love for us is not dependent on our behavior, it is dependent on His character. He is always there, always loving, always forgiving and always merciful. He is our rock, our hiding Place, our refuge, our defender, and our comforter. He is our one true Father who will never leave us or forsake us.

He is the Father to the Fatherless. He is father to me.

-          Bart

Happy Father’s day. Feel free to share stories about your dad in the comments. If you are interested in hearing me speak, you can check out the sermons page for audio links or visit me on vimeo, www.vimeo.com/bartbarrett. A new message that includes a great story of a father’s love was just uploaded. Click on the message, “A life lived well”

My previous post on being disowned by my father is available here