I have seen in my medical practice the emotional pain that results from broken sexual relationships. The damage I have observed supports the idea that the sexual bond is exclusively designed for marriage. The oneness of flesh created by a sexual union is meant to endure. When couples break the bond much harm is done.
I have seen many young people troubled with the intense emotional pain brought on by the loss of a girlfriend or boyfriend who had been their first sexual partner. When they are mature enough to be able to express themselves they have told me of the profound sense of loss. Deep sadness came when they realized that they had given away something they had hoped to share with their life’s one true love. Many times they had given themselves away in the belief that they had found their soul mate, only to discover they had lost something they could never get back.
One particular young lady comes to mind. I can recall the visit when she shared her grief. Then twenty-one, she had just been dumped by her boyfriend of the previous five years. He had been her first and only sexual relationship. To her, that was something special. She had thought that he was her life mate, her future husband; yet now that was clearly not to be. She felt used, shamed, and less womanly. She thought she was damaged and less attractive to other men. She had fallen into a major depression that was worsened by an associated anxiety disorder. She required significant doses of medication just to function each day.
The medication helped her get through each day, but it did not deaden the emotional pain she was suffering. Her emotional pain left her with two choices. She could acknowledge the truth that she had made a serious error in giving herself to her boyfriend, or she could tell herself that sexual relationships were normal when dating and therefore no cause for shame. She knew the truth and was struggling with its ramifications. She had made a grave mistake, one that could be forgiven yet never undone.
This young woman’s loss illustrates the seriousness of sexual immorality prior to marriage. When people give themselves away before marriage, their future marriage loses a degree of intimacy. A secret told to many people isn’t really a secret, and when the most intimate act known to mankind is shared with many people, it loses some of its power. I have seen many promiscuous individuals who were later unable to sustain intimate relationships. The powerful bond intended by God was so weakened by casual sex that it appeared lost forever. Waiting is important!
- Bart
This is the third of an 8-part weekly series on Adultery and Faithfulness taken from my book on the 10 Commandments, Life Medicine. You can have the future posts delivered straight to you email inbox by subscribing to the blog, just click on the link. I am currently teaching through the book at a church in Fullerton. Videos of the lessons are available at my vimeo page, www.vimeo.com/bartbarrett .