Has your Child been told a Lie?

Misled by a teacher's seemingly innocuous but tragically false advice, the young man wasted 5 years of his life. While others his age had jobs and established relationships, he had a recently kicked drug habit and an uncertain future. What happened?

In high school his favorite teacher had encouraged his students to pursue their dreams and passions with the words, "Find a job you love and you will never work a day in your life!" The advice seemed sound and its message was appealing, so the young man purposed to find a joy infused career. If he had thought harder and gotten wiser counsel he might have seen the lies implied by his teacher's exhortations.

Implied Lie 1- Difficult work is to be avoided. There are many well paying careers that are not particularly fun and fulfilling, as illustrated by every episode of the television show "Dirty Jobs". Someone has to do these jobs, and those who can discipline themselves to perform them well will find a good measure of success.

Implied Lie 2- Happiness comes from outside of us. If we rely on our outside circumstances for our joy we will be unhappy people. It is possible to work a seemingly boring and repetitive job and be happy. In my 7 years in the grocery business I worked alongside many men who took pride in stocking shelves. There is nothing exciting about putting boxes and cans on shelves but these men worked hard at it, were good at it, and felt good about themselves at the end of a productive shift. Their happiness came from within.

Implied Lie 3- Everyone's dreams can come true. What a crock this is. People in affluent cultures lose sight of the fact that not everyone succeeds. For many life is one struggle after another. Implying that everyone has the ability to love their job ignores reality.

Implied Lie 4- Pursuing a dream makes you happy. Even for those who do something they love, there is a good chance that the path to the goal required a lot of unpleasant work and sacrifice. I love being a doctor , but I definitely did NOT love biochemistry, neuroanatomy, organic chemistry and statistics. I did not particularly enjoy the 100 hour work weeks of residency training, and for many years private practice was a struggle as I learned the hard way how to deal with patient and employee personalities and the challenges of running a business. Although I love my job now, it was not always fun or easy.

Implied Lie 5- In your perfect job you will always be happy. Nobody loves everything about their job. Two words- rectal exams. To this I could add  filling out disability forms, insurance company appeals and medication authorization requests, and giving babies shots. The advice I gave my son when he was 16 is still true today- If you can learn to work hard at something you don't enjoy, you will succeed where others don't.

This misguided student is a victim of a culture that encourages self-indulgence and self-centeredness, a culture filled with unhappy, unfulfilled young people who are engaged in a futile struggle to find a dream job and external fulfillment. Our young people deserve better. They deserve the truth.

12 Perfect Gifts for your Valentine

Flowers wilt, and cost a fortune in February. Chocolate melts and makes you fat. Cards end up in the trash and the air is gone from a helium balloon before the week is out. So what can we give to someone we love on Valentine’s Day? How about gifts of love that last throughout the year? Here is a list of 12 things we should all give to that special someone.

1. Patience. Allow others to learn and grow without feeling rushed or pressured.
2. Kindness. Just be nice whenever you can. Speak positive and encouraging words and don’t point out mistakes.
3. Contentment. Don’t be jealous of what they have and you don’t
4. Humility. Don’t toot your own horn. If you have done well, let them tell you. Don't try to "one-up" or be better.
5. Service. Do things for them instead of expecting them to do them for you.
6. Calmness. Don’t lose your temper, it hurts when you do.
7. Forgiveness. Put the score pad away. Quit keeping track of how you have been wronged or hurt.
8. Be good. If there is bad stuff in your life, get rid of it.
9. Care. Look out for their emotional safety, defend their feelings
10. Trust. Don’t question every motive..
11. Belief. Assume and believe the best in them. Give the benefit of the doubt.
12. Don’t give up. Endure the tough times together.

Why did I pick these things? These are not just the expressions of love, according to the Bible, these are actually the definition and description of love. (1 Corinthians 13). Give the gift of love this Valentine’s day!

What do you do when a friendship ends?

Meeting people is easy. Making friends is hard. Keeping friendships alive is even harder. Losing friends can be heartbreaking. How do we respond? This is something I am still trying to figure out...

I have never been good at making friends. I make acquaintances well and my profession and personality lead to me knowing many people and being known by many more.  In spite of this, finding a person to whom I can open up, someone who I know will be there for me in a pinch, has been much more difficult. For this reason the few close friends I have are extremely important to me. It is also why losing a friend is so difficult.
I fear I might have lost a friend in the last year. Over the last few years a casual friendship grew into one I would call close. Close enough to where he was my only last minute friend, the one I could call the same day and ask, “Free for lunch?”
We were different in many ways, but seemed to share many of the same struggles and goals. We have each battled anxiety disorder and we share a common commitment to family and faith. As a result we have been able to talk about life and its challenges in a context we both understand. My family has loved him as well. They have enjoyed his stories and quirky sense of humor.
I use the past tense because all of that seemed to disappear. Without telling me why, he simply quit. He quit returning phone calls, answering emails and responding to Facebook messages. It was as if he had simply disappeared from my life. One day he was there, the next day he wasn’t.  I had no idea what was going on.
Later on I learned that he had failed to keep an important promise. It seems that rather than tell me what was happening and working things out he decided to walk away. Anxiety and embarrassment were too much for him to deal with, so he didn’t deal with them. 
Knowing that his anxiety disorder is contributing to his problems doesn’t soften the blow all that much. It hurts.
The saddest part of this is that if he had just told me, if he had just been honest, we could have figured it out. Friendship and trust mean so much more to me than a single mistake. I was sure he knew this about me, but perhaps he didn’t, or couldn't. I am left wondering how a friend could act in such a way. I thought friends were supposed to be there for you no matter what.
And then I remember Simon Peter, Jesus’ most vocal friend and follower. Peter was the one who boldly proclaimed to Jesus that if it came to it, he would willingly die at his Master’s side. And then, when it came to the point where he might actually have to die at Jesus’ side, he ran. He fled from Jesus’ side and watched from afar while Jesus was crucified, all the while denying to anyone who asked even knowing Jesus at all.
What happened to Peter? Life happened. Fear happened. Shame happened. But that is not all that happened. A few weeks later, when Peter met Jesus again after the resurrection on the shore of the Sea of Galilee, grace, forgiveness and restoration happened as well. Peter was given another chance to prove himself, another chance to be the friend he wanted to be. Just a few months later Peter was hauled before the same Jewish leaders that had condemned Jesus to death. This time, Peter stood firm and proved to be the friend he had promised to be.
I am also reminded of the God I serve and of the people he saves. We are all broken, all damaged and all sinful. We all mess up, let others down and fail to meet expectations and hopes. But we serve a God of resurrection, a God who can take death and bring life. I have seen him restore health, life and relationships so many times, I know he can do it again.
I do not know what the future holds for my friend and I, but I do know that wherever God is, there is hope. Here’s to hoping that our futures will be filled with true, faithful and enduring friendships, and that I can be the type of friend others can rely on.

So how do I respond? I remember the promise from Proverbs 18:24- "there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." I have a God who loves me and a Savior who will never let me go. I mourn the loss and feel the pain, but cling to the hope found in the One who will never leave me or forsake me. I turn my focus upward.

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Are You a Good Judge of Character?

So many of us struggle with trust, and everyone gets let down by others. There are a lot of unreliable and deceitful people in this world who can hurt us, and they can be difficult to avoid. Part of the problem may be that so many of us do a terrible job of judging the character of others and end up trusting the wrong people.

I am a terrible judge of character. It may be because I naively tend to believe in others or it might be that I rely too much on appearances. A large part is because, like so many others, I make generalizations and assumptions. I think of one patient I have known for years. I thought she had it together. She was funny, outgoing, always well dressed and put together, physically fit and from all I could tell, devoted to family. She was my patient for 15 years before I learned that she also had been downing a bottle of whiskey a night the entire time she was my patient!

As often as I fail by assuming people are good, I think I more often fail in the opposite direction, reaching negative conclusions about people based on superficial  appearances, generalizations and assumptions. This may be why I love teaching the Sunday School lesson I taught this week.

This week's lesson- The story of Rahab from the Old Testament book of Joshua. Rahab lived in the city of Jericho, a city with massive walls that stood in the way of the people of Israel's entrance into the Promised Land. Her introduction to readers in Joshua 2 is not at all flattering. Israeli spies are said to have entered the city and gone to the home of "a prostitute name Rahab." A prostitute. Not how a woman would be prefer to be known. This label never left her. In the New Testament book of Hebrews, when a brief account of her faith is given, she is called "Rahab the Harlot."

Many things come to mind when one hears the word "prostitute", faith, courage and dedication are not among them. But they are when it comes to Rahab. This woman, who for years had lived an immoral life, was different from all of the other people in her city. While it seems that everyone in the city had heard how God had done miraculous deeds on behalf of the Israelites, how they had won major battles and conquered powerful armies, Rahab's response to the news was different. While all were afraid, Rahab reached a unique conclusion. Rahab believed that the stories were evidence that the God of Israel was real, powerful and true. She concluded that He was a God to be feared and served.

Rahab's faith led to action. The Israelite spies stayed in her home, and when messengers from the King of Jericho came looking for them she hid the spies and helped them escape, risking her life for the servants of the Lord. As she helped them escape, she proclaimed her faith in the One True God and asked for protection. Later, When the city of Jericho fell, Rahab and her family were the only ones spared. Rahab turned from her immoral life, married an Israelite and became an enduring example of faith. (Rahab is mentioned on a number of occasions in the bible, including being listed in the lineage of Jesus Christ. She was the great grandmother of the Old Testament King David).

Not what one would expect from a prostitute! While it would be natural to assume that a story of a woman that begins with the words "a prostitute" will be a story of failure and misdeeds, in this case the assumption would be totally wrong.

It is my prayer that I will learn to not make such assumptions but will try to take the time to learn a person's heart and character. I fear I have missed out on many blessings in life by looking to the wrong people for the reasons. This is the lesson of Rahab, a woman of faith.

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On the 32nd Anniversary of Meeting My Wife, Thoughts on Why We've Lasted

Lisa and I met on a Friday. Feb 5th to be exact. I asked her out on Sunday the 7th (after unwittingly falling into her well laid trap, a story for another day.) First date- February 13th. Proposal the first week of March. Wedding- July 16th. A Wonderful Whirlwind.
If we were to tell you we knew exactly what we were doing, we would be lying. We were clueless in so many ways. But we did love each other, and we did love God. It seems so often this is not enough, as many Christian marriages fail. Why did we make it?
I can't be certain, but I think a big reason was our life goals. These were present when we met and haven't changed in over 30 years. 
While I did not have any idea of my future vocation, I was sure of two things. 
1- I wanted to be a godly husband
2- I wanted to be a godly father. 
Lisa wanted to be a godly wife and mother. We both understood that these goals would require immense effort, would be elusive, and would require personal sacrifice. We were both committed to do whatever it took to achieve these goals.
And we did. We have swallowed pride, made apologies, asked for help, extended grace and sought forgiveness. We have put our kids and one another ahead of our own interests, and admitted it when we didn't. We have set God's Word as our authority, and subjected our wills to its correction.
And it worked.
We are best friends, soul mates and true partners.
Not too shabby for a clueless couple only 3 years out of High School when we met and got married!