I Don't Live in Ferguson, Missouri, and Other Things I am Thankful For

Thanksgiving is a time to sit back and review our lives and be thankful for all of our blessings. To be honest, I don’t deserve any of them-

• I am thankful for where I live. I do not live in Northern Iraq, where terrorists are cutting off the heads of those who disagree with them. I do not live in Jaurez, Mexico, where drug lords rule the city, and I do not live in Ferguson, Missouri, hiding behind a locked door while thugs destroy businesses in my town.

• I am thankful for my medical practice, where in spite of all of the changes insurance, regulations and reimbursement, I still have the freedom to do the right thing every day. I am thankful that I have more opportunities to bless and help someone in a week than many other good people will in a lifetime.

• I am thankful for my office staff. I spend 40 hours a week with these ladies. They make me laugh, cover my back, work hard, do more than I ask. Gracie, Alisa, Jessica, Alisa- you are awesome. My PA Brandie is simply the best there is at what she does.

• I am thankful for the freedoms I have in the United States. Even though some of these freedoms are threatened in the name of tolerance and political correctness, I still have them and live in a country where there are millions of people who have fought for them and will continue to fight for them.

• I am thankful for dog videos on the internet. No explanation needed. Dogs are awesome.

• I am thankful for my kids. Not just for what they do and have accomplished, but for who and what they are. They are honest, faithful, and moral. Every Sunday there are with us in church, reminding me of the faithfulness of God and that when you have the most important things, you do not need any more.

• I am thankful that the Ford Motor Company, in 1957, started making Rancheros, and that they continued to do so, because my 1964 Ranchero is a pretty cool ride.

• I am thankful for my wife, Lisa, who has been my rock for over 32 years. I am fully aware of the fact that ours is the type of marriage about which many others can only dream. Our marriage is not perfect, but life simply does not get any better.

• I am thankful for the gift of Faith. Why Eternal God, before the beginning of time, chose me to be His child is a mystery that is beyond comprehension. God truly delivered me, from the psychological damage that comes from child abuse, from the consequences of my anger and pride in this life, and by the death of His Son, the consequences of my sin in the next life. I am blessed.

• I am also thankful that I am not a Turkey

Happy Thanksgiving!

• Bart

PS: a year ago I shared a post about the first Thanksgiving when the blessing was given by one of my ancestors. You can read it here-

The Unseen Dangers of Blogging

The fact that thousands of people have read my blog is amazing. It is also frightening. While sharing my thoughts through a blog has seemed to help some I am beginning to realize that being a blogger presents significant risk. It can transform me into someone I should not be.

I have been blogging for just over a year. It has been a strange and surprising experience. People entirely unknown to me take the time to read the words I write and occasionally share them with their friends. Each time I add a post to my blog and share it on Facebook I find myself checking back frequently to see how many “likes”, “shares” and views the post has received. When the numbers are high I fell feel validated. When the numbers are low I find myself discouraged.

This leads to some dangerous temptations-

1- I am tempted to only write posts that people will like. Seems harmless, but as a Christian I know that people do not always like truth. There are subjects about which I have strong feelings that I have intentionally avoided. The truth is that trying to be liked is not typically a path to integrity and honor!

2- I am tempted to value myself by the responses of others. I have recently started to ask myself, “Why do the thoughts and praises of absolute strangers matter to me?”

3- I am tempted to think more of myself than I should. The success of a blog has no connection to success in the things that really matter such as the relationships with my family, the quality of medical care I provide and the way I treat my employees.

4- I am tempted to present an image of myself that is inaccurate, that glosses over my failures and amplifies my strengths. 

5- I am tempted to place less value on the most meaningful relationships and feedback, that which comes from face to face encounters with people who know me well.

As I look over this list I see that these dangers are present in all forms of social media. The words “friend” and “follower” have been diluted and now describe relationships that are not truly relationships at all. We look at the numbers of friends and followers someone has and assign them a worth that is completely disconnected from their person and character. I cannot speak for anyone else, but I know I need to be more careful about how I view these things. Superficiality is a dangerous thing.

- Bart

I would ask you to share this post with your friends, but wouldn't that seem strange? :-)

love endures

I come from a family of quitters. Especially in relationships. In the Barrett family the tradition is when someone doesn’t do what you want, you cut them off. Forget about second chances or forgiveness. If you fail to meet expectations or cross the line, if you hurt someone, you are done.

This is how I did not speak to my father for 20 years. My father was offended by something I said so he cut me off. Over the years there was no contact, no communication. There were no change of address forms or Christmas cards. I did not even know how to reach him. I was nothing to him. I was not worthy of his time or his love.

My mom was similar. She was an alcoholic who eventually drank herself to death. 6 years before her death I called her when one evening when she was drunk. After that very uncomfortable conversation I decided not to chance initiating conversations in the future. I told her that she was welcome to call me at any time when she was sober but that I did not want to call her for fear that I would again catch her under the influence. 5 years went by before we spoke again, and we only spoke a total of two more times before she died.

My relationships with my three brothers have followed the family theme. Our relationships have been marked by long stretches of estrangement and isolation in response to slights both real and imagined. Turning away when hurt or offended seems to be the Barrett way.

My wife’s family is not like this at all. Her relationships with her sisters are not perfect and have seen their share of hurts and slights, there have been blow ups and arguments and disagreements, but no one has been cut off or left behind, and the sisters have always been sisters. Forgiveness and acceptance are more the norm.

The different attitudes about family relationships can be traced back to our parents. My mother was married four times, with each marriage punctuated with periods of separation before the ultimate divorces. My father was married three times, with all of them ending in divorce as well. My mother died estranged from her children, my father lives in a nursing home somewhere in Louisiana and has not seen any of his children in many years.Lisa’s mom and dad were married for over 50 years. There kids were not perfect and there were difficulties and arguments, struggles and pain, but their relationship endured. Theirs was a relationship that seemed to grow in difficult times, a commitment that never wavered or wobbled. They were truly a rock, immovable, unshakeable and untouched by any storm life could bring.

The difference in our families is love, in particular an aspect of love described by the Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 13 , “Love always endures.”

Lisa came from a family characterized by love, a love that was not and is not dependent on circumstances. Regardless of what life brings, in the morning love will remain. For my family, love was conditional and temporary.

By the grace of God Lisa and I have been blessed with enduring love in our home. We have been able to make her family heritage our family heritage, building a family with a sense of permanence in our relationships. My children sleep well each night knowing that as long as we live, their Mom and Dad will always be their Mom and Dad, will always be Husband and Wife, and will never quit on them or on one another. Love does this.

While there is no question that God wants this type of love to characterize our families, we need to remember that God wants this type of love to characterize our churches as well. Paul wrote his instructions to a church that struggled with politics and division, and his words were intended to correct their lack of commitment to one another. His words apply to our faith communities today as well. We are called to love one another with an unconditional love, with a love that endures and is not shaken or diminished with time. We will be hurt, let down and disappointed by others, but through it all there should be love.

• Bart

This is part 12 in a series on Love based on 1 Corinthians 13.

Quitters Make Terrible Lovers

I come from a family of quitters. Especially in relationships. In the Barrett family the tradition is when someone doesn’t do what you want, you cut them off. Forget about second chances or forgiveness. If you fail to meet expectations or cross the line, if you hurt someone, you are done.

This is how I did not speak to my father for 20 years. My father was offended by something I said so he cut me off. Over the years there was no contact, no communication. There were no change of address forms or Christmas cards. I did not even know how to reach him. I was nothing to him. I was not worthy of his time or his love.

My mom was similar. She was an alcoholic who eventually drank herself to death. 6 years before her death I called her when one evening when she was drunk. After that very uncomfortable conversation I decided not to chance initiating conversations in the future. I told her that she was welcome to call me at any time when she was sober but that I did not want to call her for fear that I would again catch her under the influence. 5 years went by before we spoke again, and we only spoke a total of two more times before she died.

My relationships with my three brothers have followed the family theme. I did not see or speak to one brother for 20 years, and another has not talked to me for the last two. The other brother has also shunned me at times, going for months without communicating, at one time telling me that he did not need people like me in his life. Turning away when hurt or offended seems to be the Barrett way.

My wife’s family is not like this at all. Her relationships with her sisters are not perfect and have seen their share of hurts and slights, there have been blow ups and arguments and disagreements, but no one has been cut off or left behind, and the sisters have always been sisters. Forgiveness and acceptance are more the norm.

The different attitudes about family relationships can be traced back to our parents. My mother was married four times, with each marriage punctuated with periods of separation before the ultimate divorces. My father was married three times, with all of them ending in divorce as well. My mother died estranged from her children, my father lives in a nursing home somewhere in Louisiana and has not seen any of his children in many years.Lisa’s mom and dad were married for over 50 years. There kids were not perfect and there were difficulties and arguments, struggles and pain, but their relationship endured. Theirs was a relationship that seemed to grow in difficult times, a commitment that never wavered or wobbled. They were truly a rock, immovable, unshakeable and untouched by any storm life could bring.

The difference in our families is love, in particular an aspect of love described by the Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 13 , “Love always endures.”

Lisa came from a family characterized by love, a love that was not and is not dependent on circumstances. Regardless of what life brings, in the morning love will remain. For my family, love was conditional and temporary.

By the grace of God Lisa and I have been blessed with enduring love in our home. We have been able to make her family heritage our family heritage, building a family with a sense of permanence in our relationships. My children sleep well each night knowing that as long as we live, their Mom and Dad will always be their Mom and Dad, will always be Husband and Wife, and will never quit on them or on one another. Love does this.

While there is no question that God wants this type of love to characterize our families, we need to remember that God wants this type of love to characterize our churches as well. Paul wrote his instructions to a church that struggled with politics and division, and his words were intended to correct their lack of commitment to one another. His words apply to our faith communities today as well. We are called to love one another with an unconditional love, with a love that endures and is not shaken or diminished with time. We will be hurt, let down and disappointed by others, but through it all there should be love.

• Bart

PS: I am now talking again to the brother from whom I was estranged for 20 years. We are working on forgiveness, understanding and rebuilding a relationship. Love does that too!

This is part 12 in a series on Love based on 1 Corinthians 13.

Unbelievable Love? You Better Believe it!

Cher asked the question, "Do You Believe in Love?", The Loving Spoonful asked, "Do You Believe in Magic?" A better question is, "Do You Love Enough to Believe?"

I made a lot of mistakes as a child. I am remarkably absent minded and frequently failed in the simplest of tasks. I was (and am) easily distracted and often only made it halfway through a chore before moving on. Some parents might have laughed and thought it was cute. Not mine. To my parents my failure to successfully complete a task was a sign of disrespect that deserved punishment. I was in trouble a lot. Because my attitude was always under attack I struggled with self esteem issues.

I accepted much of my parent's assessment of my ineptitude and as a result I had did not deal with failure well at all. Every roadblock, every speed bump, was not something to be overcome but instead was a verification that I should not have tried in the first place. I think this is the reason that in my high school years I tried out for many teams but quit when I did not achieve early success. There was no one around to tell me, "It's okay, you can do it!"

This self doubt had a profound impact on my academic and career goals as well. Every grade that was not an "A" was a failure, a sign that I was not good enough to truly succeed. For this reason a career as a doctor did not even seem possible to me. To be a doctor you had to be REALLY smart, and I knew I wasn't.

My attitude began to change in my first full year of community college. I was taking a course in human anatomy and there was a lab every week. There was a quiz or a test every lab session, and there were several weeks in a row in which I achieved a perfect score. About halfway through the stretch the professor began to take an interest in me. Each week he would walk up and casually say, "You going to go to med school?"

"I can't go to med school," I replied

"You should go to med school," was his weekly response. By the end of the course I was asking myself, "Should I go to med school?" His belief in me made me begin to believe in myself.

I am certain I would never have pursued medicine if it were not for something else that happened that semester. That was the semester I met Lisa. Lisa not only loved me, she believed in me. She believed in my character and in my heart, and did not allow any mistakes or slip ups to alter her confidence in me. He love and her belief helped me overcome my fear of failure and pursue loftier goals.

This is what love does. The Apostle Paul wrote that "Love believes all things." The Greek word translated "belief" means to "have faith in", to "trust". This is what love does, it looks beyond the externals and into the heart, believing that the person has a heart and has value.

Paul wrote his words to a church, instructing them that they were to love one another in this way. It is as if he was telling them, "People are knuckleheads and they will do some seemingly dumb stuff, and will even hurt you at times. Trust their intentions, believe in the desire of their heart to do right. This is what love does."

This is a wonderful way to respond to others but it is not easy. People we care about will hurt us and let us down. If we say we love them, we will need to believe in them.

- Bart

This is the 11th post in a series on love based on 1 Corinthians 13. If these posts have been helpful in any way, please share them with a friend. (It isn't hard, all you have to do is click a mouse!) As a reminder, remember you can have all posts delivered to your inbox by subscribing to the blog, which is also just a mouse click away!